The Plagiarist
by dogbertcarroll
Summary: Halloween is a fun time in the Buffyverse, especially Buffy's first Halloween in Sunnydale. The trickster gods take a more active hand and Xander finds himself... someplace he's always dreamed of visiting. Which is probably for the best, at least until the girls at home calm down... and with multiple copies of some of his girls that may take some time.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own no video game, web serial, TV show, or comic book series and am just borrowing their intellectual property for entertainment purposes. I am also making no money off the use of same.**

**AN: Mist of Rainbows wrote 'Xander and his Angel's' in answer to the Cursebreaker's challenge and the Builder Challenge. On reading it I questioned some of the decisions he made for how the story developed, so he said I should make my own version, and here it is.**

**Plagiarist 1 **

"I look like Michael Jackson in Moon Walker," Xander said as he examined himself in the mirror.

"You don't like Michael?" Ethan asked, faking shock.

"It's not that I don't like him," Xander said, "I just never saw myself as a dancer of any type. Seriously I have injured people."

"Mostly from laughter," Buffy said before taking in the white suit Xander was wearing. "You look good," she said in shock.

"But then again I guess I really should expand my horizons," Xander said quickly. "How much? And keep in mind I'm a Queen's boy."

"Just a poor boy from a poor family?" Ethan said with a grin.

"Bingo," Xander agreed.

"I would suggest renting it then," Ethan said. "Twenty should cover it, just try not to get it ripped or stained."

"Done," Xander said, thankful it wasn't more expensive.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Oliver blinked and looked around. The place was flooded by monsters and panicking people. He wondered briefly if Nilbog had gotten loose or some new cape with a similar power had made this scene. Of course none of that explained how he ended up here with no memory leading up to it, his head felt a little over filled though that pressure was receding. Strangely enough he also felt really good, like he'd been missing something and just had it returned. He felt full of vitality and energy.

"Xander!" a red haired young woman yelled as she ran up to him, dressed in blue coveralls with a yellow hardhat and a plethora of tools hanging off her tool belt.

"What?" Oliver asked politely, as she was obviously addressing him despite calling him by a different name.

"I..." her voice trailed off for a moment as she looked at him and she shook her head. "Listen to me very carefully. You're not who you think you are. Everyone has turned into their Halloween costumes. Thankfully I didn't bother dressing up, since I have some work to do tonight after we finished dropping off the kids."

"And I am?" Oliver asked curiously, seeing where she was going with this.

"You are Alexander Harris, Journeyman Builder," Willow explained. "For Halloween you dressed as Michael Jackson, though your name seems to be Oliver Jackson for some reason."

Oliver tilted his head and considered that, absently removing his fedora and flinging it like a Frisbee, sending it flying through the air leaving a trail of sparks as it cut the head off an orc's spear, and returned to his hand an instant later. "My memory does seem a bit muddled," he admitted as he put his hat back on.

"Try not to hurt anyone," Willow ordered, "they were all normal people until a minute ago. We have to find Buffy and stop this!"

"I... feel a compulsion," Oliver said, pausing to spin around and kick a Klingon in the head, allowing the child it had been menacing to escape, "to rescue children."

"Can you do it safely while I find Buffy so we can stop this?" Willow asked, whipping her sledge hammer out to strike an armored warrior, who's armor dissolved in a shower of sparks, leaving him in a pair of stained Y-fronts and causing him to run away.

"I'll be fine," Oliver promised.

"You better be, Mister!" Willow ordered quickly enveloping him in a hug.

Oliver found himself responding automatically, his arms coming up to hold her, when a surge went through him. "Oops," he said seeing the naked copy of Willow standing behind her and realized what had happened as their minds connected for a moment showing him her thoughts. "I seem to have a friend of mine's ability to clone people," Oliver noted.

"But not clothes," the naked redhead spoke up, blushing heavily and pulling clothes and tools out of nowhere, quickly dressing.

"Eep!" Willow squeaked. "How? Why? What?!"

"I can clone people I'm in contact with," Oliver explained as he realized what had happened. "Well my friend could and now I have her power, though this clone seems rational and intelligent."

"I can kinda feel you," the clone said adjusting her tool belt.

"I... I'm going to go find Buffy and stop this," Willow said, deciding that ending whatever spell this was before things got any weirder was her top priority.

"Go, we'll be fine," her clone assured her, causing Willow to rush off.

Oliver found his eyes following her now covered curves, surprised at how sexy coveralls could be.

"You want me," she said a moment later, staring at Xander in shock.

"You are very desirable," he replied with a shrug.

"And all it took for you to notice was you becoming someone else and seeing me naked," she groaned.

"Touching minds also helped." Oliver slid back a step, letting a small goblin rush through where he'd just been standing. Turning he saw there were a couple dozen small monsters converging on the area. "I think we better take care of this first."

"Yeah," the redhead agreed, pulling a rubber mallet off of her tool belt.

Suddenly Oliver grabbed his crotch and music started playing. He made a high pitched 'woo' noise before breaking into a complex dance that every monster on the street, and quite a few costumed individuals, were forced to mimic until they all collapsed exhausted just a minute later.

"What the hell was that?" Willow's clone demanded panting for breath as she climbed to her feet and stared at all the unconscious bodies.

"I have no clue," Oliver admitted, looking a little tired but not even slightly out of breath.

They looked around at the quiet street as all the monsters just laid there harmlessly.

"Let's go find Buffy," the clone of Willow suggested.

A scream rang out in the night from somewhere close by.

"Or we could go rescue whoever that is," she said.

The pair quickly found the source of the scream as a cornered catgirl Cordelia Chase cried out for rescue from something that looked to be Bigfoot's ugly cousin.

Rushing forward Oliver performed a series of lightning fast kicks and punches, much like a video game character, moving exactly the same way each time and driving the monster off. "Ok, that was weird," Oliver said.

"Thank you," Cordelia squealed throwing her arms around Oliver, who felt a now familiar surge of energy. "What the hell?" Cordelia Chase exclaimed, as she saw her naked clone, who had her head tilted to the side as if listening to something.

The clone of Willow pulled a white shirt and blue coveralls out of nowhere and handed them to the new clone.

"Xander? Willow? Me?!" Cordelia exclaimed in shock.

"What just happened?" the new clone asked, knowing but asking aloud for her other self who hated to admit ignorance of anything. "And why do I feel dweeb boy in my pants... I mean head," she forced down a blush at her slip.

"I seem to create clones of people on contact when I first touch them," Oliver explained.

"Clones who can feel you lusting after them," Cordelia's clone said mock glaring at him.

"Clones who I can sense the emotions of," Oliver said with a smirk.

The clone of Willow giggled as Cordelia's clone blushed a bright red.

"That is so unfair," Cordelia's clone complained.

"Xander has turned into who he dressed as," Willow's clone explained. "Some guy named Oliver with strange powers. Willow was lucky enough not to be in costume and has gone looking for Buffy so they can stop all this."

"We should find someplace safe to hide while they do that," Cordelia's clone said scanning the area. "Like there."

"A home furnishing store?" Oliver questioned. "The front window is shattered and it's not very defensible."

Cordelia stared wide eyed at her clone as she recognized the tone she was using. Taking a second look at Xander in his suit, she paused to really consider the idea.

Clone Willow licked her lips as she saw the plethora of beds on display. "I can use my abilities to repair the window and reinforce the place. You wouldn't want Cordelia to get hurt, would you? We can take a short break and then get back to work, leaving her safe here."

Oliver could feel the clone's motives and had to admit he'd burned up a fair chunk of energy taking out that block full of monsters and he could use a bit of a recharge. "Just a quick one," he allowed, stepping through the hole where the plate glass window had been.

"Just a quickie," Clone Cordelia agreed with a smirk, exchanging glances with her original self who bit her lip and followed.

Willow's clone tapped her hammer against a wrecked car causing it to break apart into sparks before she followed, tapping the air where the plate glass window had been, all the shards of glass leaping back up into place, laced with a nearly invisible wire mesh reinforcing it.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

A dark haired man dressed in worn leathers and a wolf's pelt chuckled as he heard a scream ring out from a universe away.

A bearded man wearing a toga with the face of a woman on the back of his head laughed in chorus with himself. "You're right, this was fun and since it was done to block the return of a fallen one, the Powers can't even complain. So, what's next on the agenda?"

"Next we remove young Xander from the field as a 'favor' to the Powers so they can adapt to the new status quo and backdate some prophecies," Loki said.

"And where should 'we' send him?" Janus asked.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Xander rolled over his arm reaching out and only finding empty space he awoke with a start. "Wills? Cordy?" He leapt off the marble slab he'd been laying on as the memories hit him. "Oh, God!"

"Yes?" Loki asked with a grin, as he leaned against a nearby mausoleum.

"I had sex with a clone of Willow! Two of them! And Cordy! And a clone of Cordy! And a second clone of Cordy!" Xander exclaimed wide eyed. "Willow and Buffy are going to kill me!"

"Relax, you are beyond their reach at the moment," Loki suggested.

Xander calmed down enough to notice where he was, an unfamiliar cemetery that felt... safer than any of those in Sunnydale, despite the very gothic architecture and thin layer of mist on the ground. He picked his fedora off the ground and absently spun it in his hands, ready to fling it if needed. He was a bit surprised to find himself dressed considering how he'd gone to sleep, but decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. "Where am I, and why am I here?" he asked cautiously. "And who are you?"

"I am Loki," the leather and pelt clad god introduced himself, letting out a booming laugh as he read Xander's mind. "I'm a Norse god and we are warriors first and foremost, regardless of what Marvel comics might say, so no I don't wear spandex and gold horns."

"Ah," Xander said, relaxing a little as the version he'd read of Loki in Giles books was a lot friendlier and more forthright than the Marvel version.

"You are here to save the world, this world. Events are coming up that will put this world in jeopardy, as betrayal and confusion take their toll on the forces of good, making their victory a dicey proposition at best. I want you to stack the odds in their favor, burn away the rot and encourage the growth of new heroes," Loki explained. "As to where you are-"

"Gotham!" Xander exclaimed wide eyed as he stared at the sky.

Loki turned and saw a stylized image of a bat being projected on the clouds behind him. "Yes, that is a rather obvious sign of where we are."

"But... what about home?" Xander asked, torn between the thought of exploring and making a difference in a place he'd always dreamed of going and helping his friends out at home.

"You'll only be here as long as you need to be," Loki assured him. "Sunnydale will be fine in your absence. You made a clone of Willow as a builder, and then cloned that clone while in the midst of sex, meaning there are two builders in Sunnydale as their powers didn't vanish when the spell broke. A single builder of average talent and intellect could make Sunnydale child safe, two is overkill. I'd advise letting things cool down a little before returning anyway."

"Willow did tell me a bit about her costume, and I really would like to avoid having the girls taking their anger out on me over Oliver's actions," Xander admitted. "But what can I do here?"

"You still have Oliver's powers," Loki said with a grin.

Xander's eyes seemed to take up half his face for a moment before he grinned. "I can work with this. Is there anything you can give me to help me on my quest? Bag of holding, pouch of infinite gold, ring of wishes, maybe?"

Loki grinned. "No, definitely not, and no way in Hel. I'll grant you the money for passing Go, access to the Cave of Night, and this." Loki flipped a gold coin towards him.

Xander caught the coin and examined it. "A two headed roman coin?" Looking up he found that Loki was gone. "I still had questions I needed answers too," Xander complained before shaking his head and walking off.

Loki dropped the illusion of invisibility and turned to the slab Xander had awoken on. Inscribed on it was 'Alexander and Willow Harris joined in death as they were in life, may they rest in peace.' He nodded his head once. "You named me as your unborn child's godfather, as a joke no doubt, which makes it even more binding for one such as myself. I've already arranged for her to be born to a couple you'd approve of and even have siblings this time, by the very man who is going to avenge your deaths. You have to admire the symmetry of it. The geas is discharged as is my duty as a godparent. Sleep well, my children."

A cloud drifted across the moon casting its shadow on the cemetery for a moment before it passed, leaving the cemetery empty once more.

**Typing by: Abyssal Angel**

**TN: I actually looked up Moonwalker because of this. I only saw the part where he turns into a giant transforming robot and decided I'd seen enough.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Plagiarist 2**

"Stick em up!" a deep voice said from behind him as something Xander was pretty sure was a gun prodded him in the back.

"Not a problem, let me get my money out of my wallet," Xander said quickly reaching into his inside front suit pocket and pulling out his wallet, finding almost a dozen twenty's inside. "Here ya go," he said holding it up so the mugger could take the cash without him turning around and seeing anything that could get him shot.

"Thanks," the mugger said, his hand brushing Xander's as he took the cash, setting off a tingle Xander recognized from Oliver's memories and felt a mind joining with his briefly.

"What the-" the voice began, before the sounds of violence and a body hitting the ground were heard.

Xander spun around and saw the mugger, who was built like a starting linebacker from the NFL, unconscious on the ground and a six foot tall woman with green eyes and long brown hair was sifting his pockets. "And you are?" he asked reflexively even though he could feel her mind and the knowledge of all she was, which was slowly fading.

"Just call me Pat, Boss," she said stripping the mugger of his hoodie and shirt, which was just long enough to keep her from getting arrested, provided she didn't raise her arms.

"Boss?" Xander asked trying to ignore his libido and the interest he sensed from her.

"You made me and I gotta have someone to follow, so that makes you Boss, Boss. Unless you'd prefer I call you Daddy?" she teased before kicking the thug in the head to make sure he would stay unconscious.

Xander tried, and failed, not to admire her legs while she did that. "Boss is fine," he quickly said.

Cursing, she rubbed her ankle and bent over to steal his shoes and socks so she wouldn't be barefoot, giving Xander quite an eyeful. "He's got a little over a grand in his account, but we'll only be able to get three hundred out before he reports his card stolen unless we kill him," Pat said. "I'd rather not kill my... other self? But I will if you want me to."

"Three hundred is fine," Xander assured her. "And we don't need his wallet unless you want it."

"Got a picture of Mom and the first girl we banged," Pat replied, taking a few things out of the wallet before sticking it back in the thug's pocket. "Ok, good to go. Where to now, Boss?"

"We need money and access to capes or heels," Xander said. "Any ideas?"

"I know where a drop off point is for the local bookies," Pat said thoughtfully. "Two guards, not real bright, easy score as long as you don't plan on making a habit of it or sticking around so they know you done it. As for the spandex set, Ivy's greenhouse is easy to find and Harley hangs with her a lot from what I hear."

"Cash first, so we can bribe them if we need to," Xander decided as Pat lead them to an old Lincoln Town car and Xander admired the amount of space it had, as the compacts that he'd grown used to could probably fit in the back.

"Sounds good, Boss," Pat said cheerfully. "Before we do that can I get your help in the back seat for a minute?" she asked.

"Sure," Xander said, seeing some odds and ends piled on the floorboard and figuring she needed help sorting through it.

**Sunnydale**

"Calm down," Buffy said, "take deep breaths and try to relax while we figure this all out."

"That's easy for you to say," Willow shouted, "there aren't two of you sitting there!" Willow pointed to the two Willow's sitting with the three Cordelia's talking to Giles, who was going through a stack of books and writing various things down.

"And why is there being multiple us'es a problem?" one of the Willows spoke up. "I know me, I like me, and with more of me, we can build faster."

"That's easy for you to say," one of the Cordelia clones spoke up, "you have nifty powers, we're just human and I doubt we can convince everyone we've always been triplets."

"Though it does mean we can get more done and opens up a few more acting roles," the other Cordelia clone added. It was easy to tell they were clones as Cordelia was the only one dressed in a catsuit, while they were dressed in a simple t-shirt and coveralls given to them by the Willows who were wearing the same thing.

"Even sharing roles means we can get more scenes done," Cordelia said thoughtfully. "That means we can concentrate more on each scene and turn out a better performance."

"Also makes masturbation a lot more fun," one of her clones said bluntly.

Cordelia groaned. "And all of the clones have a little Xander in them."

"Like you weren't thinking it," one of her clones said.

"Of course I was," Cordelia said rolling her eyes, "but I wouldn't have said it, that's Xander's influence on you!"

"Speaking of having a little Xander in you," one of the Builder Willows spoke up.

"See?!" Cordelia exclaimed.

"He was remarkably... well I'll just say all five of us are pregnant, and I was going to put a hold order on the new unit and wondered if you'd like the same," the Builder Willow explained.

"I'm pregnant?!" the Cordelias exclaimed in unison, a hand going to their stomach.

"Two or five year hold?" the other Builder Willow asked.

"I'd say five," Builder Willow said firmly. "This world is going to take some serious work to make it a place I'd raise a child in."

"What's a hold order?" Giles asked as Buffy looked stunned and Willow looked at the girls with shock and a hint of jealousy.

"A hold order puts the fertilized egg in stasis, the only side effect is that aging is halted on the production unit for the same amount of time. It was deemed a feature rather than a bug so no one's bothered to fix it," one of the Builder Willows explained.

"It completely halts your reproductive cycle during that time," the other Builder Willow added, "so you are completely unable to have children until the hold order expires."

"Two years," one of the Cordelia clones suddenly decided. "That should allow me to graduate before I have a child and while I'm not completely sure I even want a baby, especially since I'm not sure what kind of relationship I have with Xander much less where it'll be in a couple of years, this will give me more than enough time to decide what to do," she explained.

"I'll take five," the other clone said. "That way I'll get to see how things go with you, before I make my decision."

The other Cordelia clone stuck her tongue out at her.

"No periods, extended youth, and putting off the decision till I'm well out of high school?" Cordelia asked just to be sure. After the Builders nodded she smiled. "I'd be stupid to take less than five years."

"Point," her clones agreed.

"Five all around then," the clones agreed before each were tapped with a silver hammer that caused them to glow for a moment.

"Can you give a hold order without the girl being pregnant?" Buffy asked hopefully.

"No, sorry," a Builder clone of Willow apologized.

"Darn," Buffy cursed. "Where is Xander anyway?"

"Buffy!" Willow exclaimed in shock.

"What?" Buffy's eyes widened as she realized what Willow was thinking. "No! I just wanted to know where he was and to ask why he made so many clones!"

"He probably panicked on waking up in a pile of girls," Cordelia said with a shrug.

"The first clone of each was an accident, as he'd just gotten the power and had no control," a Cordelia clone explained.

"And the second?" Willow asked.

"Also an accident," a Builder Willow said. "I managed to curl his toes with a little help, and *bam* the bed was suddenly a lot more crowded."

"I'm surprised he had the energy, though I suppose that explains why there aren't more clones, he probably passed out," Buffy said.

"Actually, dweeb boy was still energetic," Cordelia said smugly. "He just didn't accidentally make any more clones."

"He has a learning enhancement," one of the Builders spoke up. "I was a bit distracted, but I caught a glimpse of a skill multiplier allowing him to learn and improve at multiple times the normal amount."

"Too bad the spell ended," Buffy said. "If he'd wandered into the storeroom where they keep the extra textbooks last night he'd be set."

"I think I prefer where he was wandering," one of the Builders said causing the clones to giggle and Cordelia to smirk. "But for now, we need to deconstruct a large amount of raw materials to fill our reserves and we need property we can legally build on to make a base."

"Reserves? Base?" Buffy asked.

"We are Builders, it's kinda our thing," Willow's clone teased her. "We deconstruct matter to an energy state and then reconstruct it in a more orderly manner. We can put up an entire office building in an afternoon, with only a handful of helpers. Now a base is more complex, and one for an entire team of journeyman builders even more so, since we can't help but tinker with things, but since we don't have Xander and Buffy as our companion builders we should be able to have a completed base by late Sunday night."

"We can buy a couple acres of desert just outside Sunnydale for pennies," the other Builder suggested. "We can deconstruct sand and rock for a cheap fill and the open area makes it harder for intruders to sneak up on us."

"I hope you have room for guests, because we can't go home," one of Cordelia's clones said.

"We'll adapt Buffy's area for you," one of the Builders promised.

"Buffy's area?" Buffy asked.

"We are supposed to be a team of three Journeymen," the Builder explained. "Our team was Buffy, Xander, Willow as our base plans show, however we lack a Builder Buffy and Xander, so we'll have to adapt the plans. Now, we know we'll have no problem convincing Xander to move in with us when he returns, and even though he isn't a Builder his section should suit his tastes perfectly, but I'm sure you are happy at home and your tastes are close to Cordelia's so it shouldn't take much effort to modify them to suit Cordelia."

"Isn't it going to be crowded with you guys doubled up like that?" Buffy asked.

The Builders laughed.

"If I can share a room with anyone comfortably it'll be me," one of Cordelia's clones pointed out.

"Plus we don't build by halves," one of the Builders said, "our base is going to be more than big enough for dozens of people."

"Adding additional private workrooms, bathrooms, and bedrooms is child's play," a Builder said. "All we really need is color choices and general themes to make sure Cordelia is happy with it. It's the shared areas like the gym and spa that are complicated as everyone has their own ideas on how they should be set up."

"Spa?" the three Cordelias chorused.

The Builders nodded.

"I can donate a couple of savings bonds towards a private spa," Cordelia offered. "If the entire cheerleading squad can use it I can probably get all of them to pitch in a few as well."

The two Builders exchanged glances. "We can redesign and expand the exercise and fitness area if you can pay the guy at the wrecking yard for a couple of tons of scrap. I think it's only twenty a ton right now."

"Ten tons of scrap and we'd be set to start construction immediately," the other Builder agreed.

"How much to add my personal section back in?" Buffy asked. "Just out of curiosity," she quickly added.

Gotham

"Thanks Boss, I needed that," Pat said starting the car.

"My pleasure," Xander said, tossing a used condom out the window.

**Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


	3. Chapter 3

**Plagiarist 3**

"A hundred and twenty grand and they only have two guards?" Xander asked, as he saw the two men, one tossing bread to the ducks and pretending not to be paying attention to the man running a hot dog cart twenty feet away. The fact that it was eleven at night and they were the only two in the park making it obvious something was up seemed to have escaped them.

"They don't expect anyone outside of a cape to have the balls to mess with them," Pat explained. "Plus it's kinda hard to take out one without the other noticing and shooting at you, but I've got a plan."

**Five minutes later...**

The two mobsters found their eyes drawn to the naked girl running just ahead of a guy in a tracksuit.

"Too slow, looks like I'll be sleeping alone tonight," she called back as the man stumbled and fell to his knees.

"Let me just get something to eat and I'll catch you," the man panted out breathlessly, before climbing shakily to his feet and stumbling towards the hot dog cart.

"What kinda game is this?" the man feeding the ducks asked suspiciously, as she wandered over near him.

"I'm getting paid three hundred a night to motivate him to work out," she said with an exaggerated shrug that drew his attention to her chest.

Smelling a rat he went for his gun, but she was close enough to body check him, sending the gun flying. She lashed out with a kick to the side that doubled him over putting him in line for an elbow to the temple that put him down. Xander, who'd been arguing with the guy manning the hot dog cart, who claimed he was out of everything, nailed him with a quick right when he went to grab something for the cart, putting him down with a few less teeth than he started with. It was the work of seconds to grab the cash and vanish into the bushes, making a beeline for the car parked in a nearby alley.

Semi-dressed again she started the car while Xander counted the cash.

"We are looking at maybe ninety grand," Xander said happily, never having had this kind of money before.

"Must have gotten there early," she grumbled. "Sorry, Boss."

"Five minutes netted us ninety grand," Xander said. "I'm in no way unhappy with how things turned out."

"Does that mean you won't spank me?" she teased.

"Later," Xander promised, knowing she was just screwing with him. "For now let's move on to phase two."

"From one park to another," she agreed. "Any idea how you plan to approach the pair?"

"Openly and honestly with a fist full of cash," Xander replied.

"That oughta confuse them long enough to copy her," Pat agreed.

Xander considered that for a minute. "It probably would confuse them. Oh well, it's not my fault most of Gotham is crooked. All I'm looking for is an honest five second transaction."

"And if she does get pissed we'll have our own Ivy to fight her off," Pat pointed out. "It's a good plan."

"Ivy has a good solid skill-set and power level that would be a lot more useful in someone who was a little more sane," Xander said. "Since the clones I make seem to gain a bit of my mindset I'm hoping it'll help raise her sanity level a tad."

Pat grinned, but didn't comment. Xander carefully counted out twenty thousand dollars and tied it up with rubber bands, finishing just as they arrived at Robinson Park. Climbing out of the car and looking about, it was blindingly obvious that Poison Ivy lived there as the entire place was insanely lush despite the smog and pollution that filled the Gotham city air.

"Stay on the path and don't walk on the grass," Xander said as they followed the jogging path through the park, keeping an eye out for dangers.

"You'd have to be an idiot to walk on the grass here without permission," Pat agreed.

Rounding the corner of the lake they spotted Ivy's greenhouse, which had been expanded recently from the looks of it. They could practically feel the trees looking at them as they approached the front door. The multistory glass construction loomed over them as Xander pushed the doorbell. It was nearly five minutes before Ivy answered the door, but the sign under the doorbell warning what would happen to those that played with it kept them from pushing it a second time.

"What do you want?" Ivy demanded as she saw Xander. "And why aren't you wearing pants?" she demanded on seeing Pat.

Xander turned to Pat. "Why aren't you wearing pants? I did buy you those sweatpants you wanted."

"I like the air on my bits," Pat said honestly.

"She likes the air on her bits," Xander told Ivy with a shrug. "Anyway I'm here to offer you twenty thousand dollars for the honor of shaking your hand."

"Is he crazy?" Ivy asked Pat, before sighing and shaking her head. "You're not wearing pants for the hell of it, why am I asking you? Too much time around Harley."

Xander pulled out twenty grand in used bills and handed it to the green skinned woman. "Payment in advance."

Ivy counted it and saw that it was twenty grand in unmarked bills, well circulated, non-sequential. "Just a handshake," she said firmly, "I'm not a prostitute."

"Understood and I in no way mean to imply you are," Xander said honestly, Ivy's natural pheromones having a slowly growing effect on the pair, even though she wasn't intentionally dosing them. As they grasped hands Xander felt a familiar tingle while he was trying his best to hold down his libido, and as the clone formed he felt a presence surge through the three of them, knocking him on his ass.

"Boss?! Boss!?" Pat shook him awake and helped him stand.

Ivy recovered much quicker but just stood there staring at the broad shouldered green skinned man dressed in leaves.

"Now that's a rush," Xander said shaking his head and feeling like he'd stuck his head in a light socket.

"Boss, you got green eyes now," Pat said. "I mean really green, like emeralds. They look good."

"Who? How?" Ivy asked confused.

"He has the power to make clones of people at a touch," the red haired man with the green skin explained. "He was of the opinion that the Earth could use more than one Poison Ivy."

"Homina, homina," Harley said as she made her presence known. "Ivy, you look good as a guy."

"I can feel your connection to the Green, but why are you male?" Ivy asked.

"Because I was concentrating on resisting your pheromones," Xander said, his faint connection to the new clone helping him gain a firmer grasp on his abilities.

"I think I'll take the name... Professor Oak," he decided with a grin, ignoring the groans of everyone but Harley who laughed, genuinely amused. Turning to Xander he said, "I'm afraid I can't help you on your quest; I have a higher calling than to save a single species of hominid."

"Yeah, I'm getting that," Xander admitted. "So, what's your plans?"

"I plan... to have you shake Harley's hand, bum thirty grand off you and do a little traveling. There are reforestation projects where I would be welcomed and illegal lumber operations where I would be hated, and I plan to visit both," he said with a smirk.

"It'll be nice to know we aren't alone," Ivy said slowly still feeling out the connection they both had.

"I'll visit when I can," Oak promised.

"I think I'd like that," Ivy admitted, surprised.

"Is my clone going to be male?" Harley asked eagerly, as she approached Xander.

"I'd prefer female, but it's not a deal breaker," Professor Oak said.

"Make two!" Harley ordered Xander taking off a white glove and offering her hand.

"Why two?" Xander asked taking her hand and easily making a clone of her, who stood there unselfconsciously naked, examining herself for the sole purpose of making the two green skinned people blush.

"Couple of reasons," Harley said. "One, occasionally Mr. J needs me and I can't find it in myself to resist him, but with two of me I won't have to leave Ivy alone just cause I was weak for a moment, and B, we can get more done with two of me, and finally there are some things I wanna try that require three girls and Batgirl ain't bitin'."

"Fair enough," Xander agreed making another clone.

"Harley, that was both perverted and touching," Ivy admitted.

"Perverted touching is what I do best," Harley said proudly as her naked clones began examining each other.

"Maybe we ought to take this inside," Professor Oak suggested, watching the two naked blondes begin to finger one another.

Xander grabbed Pat's hand and pinched his nose shut as he realized what was happening, while pulling her back down the path.

They were half way back to the car before Pat managed to shake off the effects of the pheromones. "Damn, that was something!"

"Yeah, I suspect they began to instinctively respond to one another, from the amount of pollen in the air and the way nearby flowers started blooming," Xander said. "I need a cold shower or twelve."

"Can't we just have sex?" Pat asked.

"Work first, play later," Xander said. "We'll have plenty of time to have sex in an actual bed tonight. In the meantime let's get out of here before Oak asks to borrow money."

"Gotcha, Boss," Pat said cheerfully as they sped up, even though it'd probably be hours before Oak even came up for air.

**Sunnydale Doublemeat Palace**

"Are you OK?" Buffy asked Willow. "I mean that's your third burger, you're eating like me when I'm upset."

"I know," Willow complained, "I just can't seem to get full. Any luck on finding Xander?"

"Not at the bowling alley or the skating rink," Buffy said with a sigh.

"That's all the places I can think of him hiding out in," Willow said. "We may just have to wait and catch him at school."

"Or in his bedroom," Buffy suggested, recalling Willow telling her how easy it was for Xander to sneak out thanks to the trellis outside his bedroom window.

Willow got a far off look in her eye and blushed bright red.

"I meant he'll return home to sleep and we could catch him then," Buffy said, as she tried not to think of a pile of naked Willows and Cordelias surrounding a naked Xander.

**Sunnydale Salvage**

Cordelia had made a deal with Rory Harris, Xander's uncle, thirty tons of scrapped cars for five hundred dollars and the three Cordelias were sipping sodas and watching the pair of Willows walk from block to block, tapping them with hammers causing them to break down into showers of sparks that they then absorbed. It had taken nearly half an hour so far to absorb half the material, but that was probably because the two kept wandering off and 'acquiring blueprints' by scanning various broken down vehicles, which they said would allow them to build complete copies from memory.

"Too bad they couldn't make designer dresses from memory," one of the Cordelias said with a sigh.

"Why couldn't we?" the Willow nearest them asked curiously.

The three Cordelias suddenly focused on the redhead, all boredom forgotten.

"Are you telling me you can copy designer dresses using your abilities?" Cordelia asked.

"Easily," the Builder assured her. "I can scan and duplicate clothing in seconds."

"I don't suppose you can teach us to do that?" one of the Cordelias asked.

"You have to be a Builder to learn what we do," she replied, "but duplicating and altering clothes is one of the first things an apprentice learns."

"And now I'm wishing I'd dressed as a Builder so you two would be Builders," Cordelia told her clones.

"Do you want to be a Builder?" the Journeyman Builder asked curiously.

"Don't you have to be born one?" one of the Cordelias asked.

"No, you have to ask to be an apprentice and then the Builder you're apprenticed to gets together with two other Journeymen and makes you a Builder," she explained.

The other Builder came over and tapped her on the head with her hammer turning her hair blue. "I dub thee, Amy Rosenberg, Journeyman builder."

Amy grinned and tapped the other on the head with her own hammer, turning her hair dark green. "I dub thee, Susan Rosenberg, Journeyman builder."

"Inside joke?" Cordelia asked.

"Anime joke," the pair chorused.

"Plus now we cover the color spectrum blue, green, and red," Susan explained.

"A change of hair color would allow us to claim to be our own cousins," one of Cordelia's clones said thoughtfully, as they watched the two Builders get back to work.

"A natural color," the other clone said.

"Tired of being me?" Cordelia asked, a bit hurt.

"No, but there can only be one Cordelia Chase or our parents would freak and God knows what would happen," one of the clones said.

"We originally picked on Willow because we were jealous of her hair," the other clone said.

"So red hair then," they chorused.

"Can they change people's eye colors?" Cordelia asked.

The two clones turned to her and grinned.

"Green eyes and red haired twins, our cousins Jane and Janet Possible," Cordelia said. "Close enough relation to explain the resemblance and far enough away that our parents won't ask questions."

"Perfect," the 'twins' agreed.

"Nah perfect would be if Xander had made three Builders so we could become apprentices and learn to make designer clothes, though I'm sure we can bribe Amy and Susan to do it," Cordelia said.

"We'll grab him Monday and see if he has any gas left in the tank," Janet said. "Think I should use the nickname Tea to show we're different people?"

"Nah, let's just both use Jay and drive everyone nuts," Jane said. "Think Xander has to be having sex to make clones? I mean, it might make it easier."

"You just want an excuse to have sex with Xander and Willow," Cordelia pointed out.

"And?" Jane asked.

"And nothing," Cordelia said, "It's a good excuse, I'm in."

**Typing by: Abyssal Angel**

**TN: (I groaned and put my face in my hands when I read the Professor Oak joke. If he starts spreading Pokemon in the DC universe, I may just have to bang my head against a wall.)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Plagiarist 4**

Pat and Xander poked through the racks of clothes picking both comfortable clothes and things that could be modified to make a decent costume, including a handful of props, some of which he was sure were actually tools that had been dropped by villains.

Xander winced when he saw the giant white purse Pat grabbed. "You could fit a small child in there."

"Or a couple dozen weapons and clothes for naked clones," she said with a smirk.

"And suddenly I like the handbag o' doom," Xander said, making her smile.

**Several hours, three additional thrift shops, and a couple of 'no question' pawn shops later...**

"I'll get us a room while you get the luggage," Pat told him, pulling into the Gotham motor lodge.

"Ok, but once we shower we are taking some of this stuff to the laundromat. I don't care if they claimed they washed it already, always wash it yourself first," Xander said firmly.

"I know a place nearby," she said as she parked the car in an empty space. "And as much as I hate to admit it, I probably should wear more clothes."

"Only in public," Xander assured her as he pulled a couple of bags from the back seat to dump in the steamer trunk they'd bought. He'd managed to stuff everything in the trunk and two suitcases by the time she'd returned with their room key.

"This way, Boss," she said getting the suitcases as he lifted the trunk, finding it lighter than he expected.

**Sunnydale Scrublands**

Susan and Amy walked the border of their property, stomping a foot every ten feet, causing a layer of sand, bush, and rock to dissolve into sparks that they channeled into creating a twelve foot tall brick wall around the property.

"Did they say how they were going to handle utilities?" Buffy asked.

Jane shook her head. "It's one of those Builder things I assume, magic can do almost anything."

Janet chuckled. "Actually, I asked Susan about that, and one of the reasons they chose this area was access to ground water. They can sink a well pretty easily and put up solar panels."

Willow sipped her soda and watched her clones work, her hands itching for tools. "Wish I could learn that style of magic."

"You and me both," Cordelia agreed as the pair of Builders finished preparing the land and started vanishing solid square blocks of earth in the center, jumping down into the hole a moment later.

"Can't believe Xander's hiding like a chicken," Buffy said. "Surely he doesn't think you guys would still be angry with him."

"As far as I know we were never angry," Jane offered.

Janet grinned. "Angry was not what I was feeling either."

"I'm pleading the fifth," Cordelia said when she saw everyone looking at her.

"Well, I'm angry," Willow said, tearing into a slice of pizza.

"Only that you missed it," Janet said, stealing a piece of pizza.

Willow ate her pizza and didn't respond.

"She was busying saving my life," Buffy reminded them.

Willow sighed and then let out a huge burp and blushed heavily while everyone else giggled.

"We were planning on pinning Xander down for a repeat anyway," Jane said. "You in?"

"Yes!" Willow exclaimed before hiding behind her soda.

**Gotham Wash and Fluff**

Watching their clothes spin around in the machine was only entertaining for so long so Xander found himself watching the other patrons, when he saw a very curvy brunette folding laundry at one of the tables. It took him a moment to figure out why she'd attracted his eye beyond the obvious. She was wearing horn rimmed glasses, but the lenses were clear glass, she had a pair of cats head earrings with emeralds for eyes and her baggy sweater was filled with kittens playing with balls of yarn.

"You know, it's impolite to stare," she said, sounding slightly amused.

"Sorry, psychic," Xander said making up a story on the fly as he realized who she was and saw the opportunity to copy her. "And might I say you have a very colorful future ahead of you."

"Really?" she said with a smirk as he approached her. "Going to offer to read my palm?"

"May I?" he asked holding out a hand.

"Sure," she replied, amused at what she was sure was a pick-up line.

Taking her hand, Xander spawned a clone under the folding table, and pretended to be surprised by what he was reading, "I see... timelines changed by people interfering in time, but several things remain the same, a fondness for felines, fantastic flexibility, and naming your daughter Helen."

Selina laughed and took her hand back, quickly finishing up her laundry. "Not a bad attempt, but just so you know... girls generally prefer being told they are going to meet a tall dark stranger and come into money. Bye." With a flirtatious wiggle, Cat Woman left the laundromat and a moment later a slightly younger one slipped out from under the table.

"Clothes please," she asked.

Xander gave her his hoodie and Pat quickly handed her the sweat pants she'd been wearing. Their minds had connected deeper than he had with any of the other clones he'd made so far and he could literally feel her weighing her options.

"If I help you with this, I want something in return," she said as she came to a decision.

"And what would that be?" he asked.

"I want you to use your power to clone the big cats in every zoo we pass," she told him. "As long as you do your part to prevent their extinction, I'm in."

"Deal," Xander said, shaking her hand.

"Who are you?" Pat asked.

"Pat, may I introduce Catwoman," Xander said. "Catwoman, Pat."

"Nice catch, Boss," Pat complimented him. "She coming with us to copy the Cards?"

"Copy the cards?" she asked curiously, while mentally going through possible names to use since she wasn't the original Catwoman.

"The Royal Flush gang," Xander explained.

"What's the plan?" she asked deciding 'Julie Newman: The Cat' would be her new identity.

**Sunnydale Scrubland**

"I think they're done for now," Buffy said as she saw a marble stairway form out of sparks, rising from the ground.

"Good, the sun is dropping and I'd rather be indoors before that happens," Cordelia said as the Builders climbed out of the hole in the ground.

"Was it easy to get them to change your hair color?" Buffy asked curiously.

"Extremely," Janet said, running a hand through her bright red hair.

"Thinking of becoming blonde?" Jane asked with a smirk, while Cordelia frowned, upset she'd been beaten to the punch.

"I am blonde," Buffy defended herself. "But I could be blonder," she admitted grudgingly.

"We've seen your natural hair color in the shower," Cordelia said quickly, before one of her clones could steal her line.

"Fine!" Buffy groaned burying her face in her hands. "I am a light brunette who would like to be a medium blonde!"

Amy shrugged and tapped Buffy on the head, changing her hair color to medium blonde. "Done."

"Really?" Buffy asked picking her head up and examining her hair before pulling out the front of her pants and checking below.

"Carpets as well as the drapes," Amy assured her.

"Even got the arm hair and eyebrows," Cordelia complimented her. "Nice work, looks good."

"Well, I am famished," Susan said, "Who wants dinner?"

"I could eat," Willow admitted. "Have we figured out where you guys are going to sleep tonight?"

"My guest house could work, but I'd like to avoid my parents seeing us together until we got your IDs down," Cordelia said, biting her lip.

"My parents are gone," Willow said, "We could have a sleepover!"

"We could do each others' nails and make up malicious gossip about Harmony," Cordelia agreed.

"I'll make a quick patrol and join you," Buffy said, looking forward to it.

**Gotham: The Big Easy Bar and Grill**

"Just so you know, I think this plan is crazy," Julie said, adjusting her outfit. "But I am amazed at your sewing skills."

"Yeah Boss," Pat agreed admiring herself. "Every time you insisted on redoing them they got a lot better."

"White leotards with red hearts aren't exactly hard to work with," Xander said. "It's a simple design."

"You used red leather from cut up car seats for the hearts, freehand no less, to hide various small weapons," Julie said. "I didn't quite buy your excuse of needing to check my exact measurements, even with being able to read you the way I can, but none of my outfits have ever fitted this well."

"I think Oliver, the guy who's power I copied, had a rapid learning skill," Xander admitted.

"That explains so much," Pat said.

"How so?" Julie asked curiously.

"First time he was fumbling like a virgin, but by the third he rung my bell like a pro!" Pat said with a grin.

"That was only the second time in my life I had sex," Xander admitted embarrassed.

"When was the first?" Julie asked.

"A couple hours before," Xander admitted, "But Oliver's personality was running my body at the time. It was from a possession that left behind a copy of his powers when the spell broke."

"Hmm," Julie said with a thoughtful grin as she checked he razor sharp playing cards hidden behind the hearts and stroked her red and white whip. "Six, ready," she announced.

"Seven, ready," Pat added, patting her handbag o' doom which Catwoman had painted with a Wonderland motif of white rabbits and assorted clocks.

"Nine ready," Xander agreed, patting his belt where a red and white striped club shaped like a candy can rested. He would have preferred something more in character, but they'd had a limited choice of weapons at the pawn shop so he'd chosen something that at least fit their color pattern.

"I could have done a great Cheshire," Julie decided as she adjusted her domino mask.

"Not enough female roles in Wonderland," Pat said with sigh. "I'd probably ask the Boss to clone me and go as the Tweedles."

Seeing they were both waiting for his choice he sighed," The Mad Hatter was my favorite but its taken."

"Many times over," Julie agreed.

"Oh yeah," Pat said. "I heard about that. Imitation Mad Hatters keep popping up and we can't even be sure if the one we know is the original cause he's changed quite a bit himself."

"Maybe he really is from Wonderland," Xander said, "A crazy place like that would explain the shifting features. Anyway, if I can't go as him, I'd go as the white rabbit."

"Next time," Julie decided. "Since these are one-off outfits to rob the Royal Flush gang or at least the King, since I doubt the others will shake your hand, we can work on more permanent personas later."

Xander nodded. "Now let's go stack the deck."

"God, that's cheesy," Julie complained.

"How is that more cheesy than one of your many cat based puns?" Xander asked.

"Because cats are classy of course," she said cheerfully.

"Pussy is always good," Pat added not wanting to wait for them to banter a bit, "Deal us in."

**Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


	5. Chapter 5

**Plagiarist 5**

"How many?" the waitress asked nervously, her eyes glancing around the room at the scattered thugs and villains that made up the clientele.

"Four. A corner booth if you have one," Julie said.

"Right this way," she said waving for them to follow her. Once they all sat down she passed out menus. "Anything to drink?"

"Four cokes," Xander said, "Thank you."

"I'll be right back with your drinks. Let me know when you're ready to order," she said quickly before fleeing.

"She seems a mite nervous," Xander noted.

"Probably because we have two Hatters in residence," Julie pointed out. "I think we have maybe five minutes until they spot one another and this place explodes into violence."

"We're the match, aren't we?" Xander asked with a sigh.

"No doubt," Julie agreed with a smirk. "We have a Wonderland theme so we'll attract their attention and when they look around and notice one another... Boom."

"We're on," Pat warned them as three costumed figures approached.

"Very interesting costumes," the King of Spades noted. "We aren't going to have any trademark disputes, are we," despite his words it was obviously not a question.

Xander stood up and offered his hand, but was slightly distracted by the feeling of Julie reaching for his mind as he was spawning a clone under the table. "Not at all, your highness," Xander assured him, offering his hand to the queen and ten and getting rebuffed as Julie had predicted. "We're soldiers of the Red Queen, ala Wonderland, not a winning hand."

"Glad to hear it," the King said, relaxing slightly, just before the Hatters noticed each other and shouted out, "Imposter!"

"Drinks and cover," the King ordered.

"I thought it was duck and cover," Ten said as an exploding fedora took out a window.

"Not at these prices," the King said making a dash for the bar, followed by Queen and Ten.

Pat slid her handbag under the table so the new clone could dress as the eight of hearts, which she quickly did popping out a moment later.

"I thought you were going to make an exact clone?" Julie questioned.

"He got distracted by your mental groping," Eight replied, wincing as a nearby table went up, courtesy of a firebomb bowler hat.

"I was just seeing if I could feel what he does," Julie said, "I had no idea it would complicate matters."

"Not a big deal," Xander said. "Let's go get our drinks to go."

"Good idea, Boss," Pat said, ducking a thrown chair.

The four quickly made their way out through the kitchen grabbing their drinks on the way, but as they stepped out of the back a dark blur nailed Xander, sending him rolling down the alley. A similar blur hit Julie and it quickly resolved into Nightwing and Batgirl fighting the pair. Julie was the epitome of grace as she dodged and countered Batgirl's attacks while Xander... wasn't. Julie was obviously enjoying herself and Xander was amazed and surprised, shrugging off hits that should have taken him out of the fight altogether while clumsily throwing punches that missed by a mile.

"Jo," Eight introduced herself to Pat, as they watched Xander get slammed back into the alley wall by a double kick.

"Pat," Seven replied, taking a sip of her coke as Julie tilted her head and let Batgirl's punch slide past her, before tapping her nose with a finger.

"Not going to jump in?" Jo asked.

"Six is enjoying herself and Nine gains skill by doing things. You can actually see him improve," Pat said cheerfully.

The two sat down on a couple of milk cartons and sipped their drinks, a brightly colored figure swinging down from a rooftop to land in front of them a minute later. He stood there poised for battle, but after a few seconds with nothing happening he finally asked, "Aren't you going to attack me?"

"Why would we do that?" Pat asked, sounding confused.

"Criminals attack me, I fight them, it's a thing," Robin said sarcastically.

"We aren't criminals," Eight said.

"Then why are they fighting Batgirl and Nightwing?" Robin asked.

"Self defense," Pat replied. "They didn't attack them at all."

"Seriously?" Robin asked.

"Seriously," the two chorused.

"A good fight can be fun though," Eight admitted. "Six is clearly having fun and Nine needs to learn to fight, so it's not that big a deal."

"Switch!" Pat called out, causing Julie to grab Xander's arm and swing him at Batgirl, taking his place facing Nightwing.

"He looks like he's doing fine to me," Robin said as Xander blocked a spin kick with his forearm and swept her leg out from under her.

"Hold up!" Robin yelled, causing Batgirl and Nightwing to back off for a moment. "Why did you attack them?" Robin demanded.

"They were escaping," Nightwing said. "Spoiler and Huntress went in the front and we were covering the rear."

"The Mad Hatter and the Royal Flush Gang are inside and they could belong to either group," Batgirl added.

"We don't work for either of them," Xander said, "and there are currently two Mad Hatters inside. We just didn't want to get in a fight."

"Who do you work for?!" Nightwing demanded.

"We don't," Julie said. "What we do is dress in interesting costumes and have sex in unusual places."

"You're kidding," Nightwing said, forcing himself not to react.

"He's a better lover than a fighter," Pat agreed.

"Seriously?" Batgirl asked curiously, looking him over.

Xander shrugged. "Don't look at me, I only lost my virginity yesterday."

"And he learns quickly," Pat assured her.

Jo and Pat exchanged grins.

"And the reason you have Catwoman with you?" Nightwing asked with a smirk. "Your fighting style is distinctive."

"Please," Julie sneered, "she's at least a decade older than me." Everyone took a good look at her as she posed, inviting attention.

"You look almost exactly like you did when I was Robin," Nightwing said, refusing to be fooled.

"Very good," Julie complimented him. "I must have made quite an impression on you as a boy."

"You ain't whistling Dixie," Robin said with a grin, recalling some of the mementos Nightwing kept from his time as Robin.

"I was rescued from certain death in a parallel dimension," Julie lied, "But the time differential is a bit off, and since I have a living self running around here doing everything I would have done, I decided to relax and concentrate on enjoying life instead."

"And we're all about having fun!" Pat enthused. "A good fight, a better fuck, and then a nice steak and some beer!"

"Amen to that sister," Jo said bumping fists with her in obvious approval.

"So now what?" Robin asked cheerfully, amused to see the two older crime fighters at a loss for words.

"Now you guys pay us twenty for the two cokes," Xander said. "Yeah, I know it's expensive, but this place charges through the nose. You can just run in and get us a couple if you like, maybe they have a discount for capes."

"We can move this to a motel room, if you'd care to join us," Julie offered reaching out to stroke Nightwing's jaw.

"You can keep the cowl on," Xander agreed, taking Batgirl's hand and kissing the back of it, making her blush heavily.

"On your six," Robin called out as Julie turned to face the end of the alley, hand going towards her whip.

"Say goodnight, Gracie!" a voice called out from the head of the alley, as it stepped out of the shadows and cut loose with a tommy gun.

Being the closest, Julie and Nightwing saw the danger and dove aside while yelling for the others to take cover.

Xander had just enough time to push Batgirl behind him before several heavy slugs tore through him and splashed against her armor, throwing them both to the ground. Pat shoved Robin into the wall, saving his life as she and Jo were both cut down.

**Sunnydale: the next day**

Buffy frowned at the pattern cut into the bricks and examined the walls surrounding the area the two Builders were working on with Jane and Janet making suggestions.

"Angel won't be able to get within twenty feet of this place," Willow said, knowing what was upsetting Buffy.

"And neither will any other demon," Cordelia said as they gathered food for the group from her car.

"Angel's not a demon," Buffy defended him.

"He's sharing a body with one," Cordelia said dryly, still not happy about having tried to date a vampire because no one had told her he was one.

"We'll have to ask them to provide a safe way for him to visit," Willow said.

"He can visit Buffy elsewhere," Cordelia said, balancing a six pack and a Pizza on one hand while shutting her car door, "or telecommute for meetings. We don't need to put everyone at risk by making an entrance demons can use."

The three paused as they stepped through the gate and saw how much work had been done. The two Builders had completed the first floor and the grounds around it. Grass and flowers decorated the place with stone walkways and benches conveniently placed for those who wanted to relax outside and half a dozen small trees that were perfectly placed to provide shade once they'd finished growing.

The wide brick driveway went down a ramp under the gleaming white stone building, dotted with large tinted windows, decorated with interesting designs etched into the glass. However it was the large pool the clones were relaxing in that drew everyone's attention.

"Club Med eat your heart out," Cordelia said.

Willow swallowed and nodded before grabbing another breadstick. "Makes me wish I brought a swimsuit."

"Doesn't look like they have any either," Buffy said as the four looked to have simply dropped all their clothes and climbed in.

"Live a little," Cordelia suggested, though it came off sounding like an order as she placed the food on a table and started stripping herself.

"I'd burn like you wouldn't believe," Willow said finding her eyes drawn to the girls playing in the water.

"I'll keep an eye on you," Buffy promised, stripping herself. "At the slightest hint of red, out you go."

"Ok," Willow caved in and quickly joined the others. "Aren't you afraid of getting sunburned?" she asked Amy.

"One Builder perk is an immunity to radiation, so no sun burn possible," the blue haired Builder said cheerfully.

"Cannon ball!" a naked blonde haired girl called out before hitting the water sending a splash high in the air.

Buffy wiped water off her face. "Looks like Harmony is here."

"This place is great!" Harmony enthused once she'd surfaced. "I parked in the underground parking garage and took a look at the gym. This is way better than that training camp we attended and it cost three grand!"

"One grand apiece buy in," Susan told her cheerfully. "Cordelia had us reserve rooms for the entire squad."

Harmony looked around the pool. "Do we get twin sisters for joining?!"

"Could we get you to believe identical cousins?" Buffy asked hopefully.

"Wearing clothes maybe," Harmony replied, "but naked? I can tell they are completely identical. Now, can I get a twin?"

"Remember Halloween?" Cordelia asked.

"Kinda," Harmony said frowning. "I dressed as an angel from that one show and I guess someone slipped me a roofie because I woke up in the hospital."

"Are you ok?" Cordelia asked searching Harmony for injuries.

"I'm fine, I was in the nurses lounge. I guess I hallucinated I was a nurse or something, because they all thanked me for my help and paid for me to catch a cab home," the blonde explained.

"Huh," Willow said thoughtfully.

"Do I have to give the speech?" Buffy asked Willow.

"Unless you want to wait for Xander," Willow replied.

"You guys aren't making any sense," Harmony said.

Buffy sighed. "The world is older than you know..."

**TN: Abyssal Angel**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"I really should be doubting all of this," Harmony said.

"But?" Buffy asked.

"But it makes a lot of sense," she admitted. "Now when can I get a twin?"

"Xander had some freaky powers during Halloween that let him duplicate people," Cordelia explained. "We plan on tracking him down and seeing if he has any gas left in the tank to duplicate Amy or Susan, so we'll have three Builders."

"Builders?" Harmony asked curiously.

"Your turn Willow," Buffy said, waving for the redhead to explain.

"During Halloween everyone turned into their costume," Will said, setting down the slice of pizza she'd been eating. "I was dressed as a character idea I came up with. See, in all the stories, no matter if they are fantasy or science fiction, there are hidden dungeons and secret lairs, grand palaces, and stately manors, but the local population doesn't have the knowledge or workforce needed to build them."

"And usually in the middle of nowhere," Harmony said. "You'd think someone would notice beautiful abandoned castle with silverware and chandeliers completely untouched."

"Exactly! Well, my idea was that we have a race of mythical builders who created all those places. I dressed as one and Xander accidentally copied me while I was one and then he copied her mid orgy..." Will angrily grabbed her pizza and started eating.

"She's jealous she didn't get to join in," Jane said.

"Being demoted to apprentice probably didn't help matters either," Susan agreed.

"Apprentice?" Cordelia asked suddenly.

"Once a Builder, always a Builder," Amy and Susan chorused.

"What?" Willow asked, as everyone stared at her.

"You're a Builder," Cordelia told Willow bluntly.

"The spell wore off," Willow reminded her.

"Being a Builder is a permanent thing," Amy told her. "You have dropped down to a no experience apprentice Builder, but you're still a Builder."

"Why do you think you've been eating so much?" Susan asked.

"I thought I was just upset I didn't get to have Xander, while you guys not only got him but are having his children," Willow admitted.

"Nope, you are filling your reserves," Amy told her cheerfully. "From the looks of things, I'd guess you'd need another ten pounds of food to reach even minimal reserves that would allow you to materialize your tools and start breaking down blocks of material to start making real progress on it."

"So I'm not eating like this because I'm upset?" Willow asked.

"Like we've ever sublimated emotions into food," Susan snorted. "No, we build, or read, or solve problems."

"I'm a Builder," Willow said in wonder as she thought about what that actually meant.

"And once we get our home base built, we'll make sure your reserves are topped off and get you started on gaining some experience," Susan promised.

Amy nodded. "For our first project I was thinking corrupted Disneyland set up. The rides are challenges to obtain the keys needed to get into the castle in the center."

"And inside the castle a powerful magic sword," Susan said with a grin. "Something that will attract monsters and heroes to quest for."

"But what if a villain gets it?" Buffy demanded.

"Villains usually come with their own evil weapons of power," Susan waved it off. "Besides I was thinking sword in stone deal so they have to be worthy to draw it out."

"Got a spare?" Buffy asked hopefully.

The pair laughed.

Amy shook her head. "It doesn't work that way. We can make mundane items easily and even some simpler magical ones, however major quest items are created by the quest itself."

"It's part ambient magic, part sacrifice," Susan added.

"I can run through the quest when it's complete, right?" Buffy asked hopefully.

"Sure," the two Builders chorused.

"It'll be dangerous and filled with demons, but we're building it with champions in mind," Amy said.

"Plus you can fill out the evaluation sheet when you finish," Susan said, eyes lighting up. "You have no idea how hard it is to get people to fill those out!"

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Julie leapt forward, a diving roll keeping her out of the line of fire as she lashed out with her whip yanking the feet out from under the man with the ventriloquist dummy, just as several tear gas pellets hit the ground around him, making him cough and wheeze.

"We need an ambulance!" Batgirl yelled to Robin, while she searched Xander for a pulse, knowing it was probably fruitless as one bullet had definitely hit his heart.

"On it," Robin replied, quickly speaking to someone on his com unit.

"Boss?" Pat begged, as she stared into Xander's blank eyes and still body.

"Fuck!" Jo cursed as she saw Xander.

Xander's back suddenly bowed and he took a deep breath of air before coughing up a wad of phlegm and blood. Batgirl helped him roll over so he could get rid of all the crap that was in his lungs.

"Boss, you regenerate?!" Pat demanded. "Does everyone regenerate but me?!" She pulled some bandages out of her purse and bandaged her shoulder.

"I don't," Julie painted out.

"Yeah, but you got that ass," Pat said. "I mean, look at it."

"She has a point," Robin agreed, making Batgirl groan.

"Why didn't you tell me you regenerate?!" Pat demanded.

"It's never come up," Xander said. "I mean, I'm a lover not a fighter, this is the first time I've been shot!"

"Huh, that makes a lot of sense," Pat admitted while Batgirl examined her shoulder.

"Missed the bone completely, a couple of stitches and a week or two of bed-rest and you'll be fine," Batgirl told her.

"I'll kill the guy who shot you and you'll feel much better," Xander promised her.

"You can't kill him, I already have him in custody," Nightwing said, tightening the cuffs on the Ventriloquist.

"Not him," Xander said, "Him!" He pointed at the dummy.

"It's a dummy," Robin said.

"It's a dummy made with swamp wood from guess where," Xander replied.

"Where? And why would that even matter?" Julie asked.

"Slaughter swamp," Xander said. "And seriously the wimpy guy gets the same dummy over and over despite everything that happens and you've never noticed the pattern before?"

"Seriously?" Robin asked.

"Ever seen a horror movie where you have to cringe at something stupid, like a bunch of teens deliberately defiling a serial killers grave or a couple that finds their dog drained of blood and thinks it's just a bat infestation?" Xander asked. "Do you really want to be the white couple who simply repaints the living room when the walls start bleeding?"

"I've got thermite," Batgirl offered, after everyone exchanged glances.

"Let's make sure he's not filled with explosives first," Nightwing said, carefully removing the Tommy Gun and spare ammo drum from the dummy.

Julie drug over a 50 gallon drum and broke up a crate to use as kindling. Robin used some wire to restrain the doll's limbs, despite the strange looks he got, before putting it in the barrel and coating it in accelerant.

"I can't believe we're doing this," Nightwing said.

"Look at it as destroying a specially made weapon," Xander suggested. "He can't go on another crime spree without it."

"Yeah," Nightwing agreed straightening up. "Put like that it makes perfect sense."

"Would you like to do the honors?" Robin offered Pat a small thermite grenade.

"I'll pull the pin," she agreed, pulling it so Robin could drop it in the barrel, causing flames to shoot a half dozen feet in the air.

They watched the fire cautiously, but nothing happened and everyone seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, just before the barrel rocked and something inside it screamed.

All three of the Bat clan tossed in additional chemicals until the barrel itself was melting and the noise died down.

"That didn't happen," Nightwing declared.

"I'm going to need therapy," Robin said.

Pat pulled Robin to her and buried his face in her chest. "There, there," she said, rubbing his back with her good arm.

"If the wimp takes up woodworking in prison, which he probably will, make sure he gets normal wood and not something from a cursed forest or a swamp that creates a zombie that can kick Superman's ass," Xander suggested.

"I'll make sure of it," Nightwing agreed.

"Can we have him back?" Batgirl asked Pat, as Robin seemed content to stay where he was.

Pat gently pulled Robin away from her chest. "How do you feel?"

"Surprisingly good," Robin said cheerfully.

"Beats Prozac," Xander said. "Now, who is up for ice cream?"

"Me, me!" Robin exclaimed.

"We have to finish up here," Nightwing told him.

"Plus I'm pretty sure he means it in a sexual manner," Julie told him.

"I didn't, but I do now," Xander said. "OK, let's get Pat looked at and then we'll have ice cream."

"And then an orgy?" Pat asked hopefully.

"If you're good," Xander agreed.

"You're all crazy," Batgirl said. "Fun, but crazy."

The three superheroes touched their right ear and stood up straighter.

"On it," Nightwing said into his com, before they all ascended to the rooftops on grappling hooks and vanished.

"We have an appointment with a zoo before any orgies," Julie said.

"Not a problem," Xander said, "They'll probably want to hold Pat overnight anyway."

"I ain't exactly in the system," Pat pointed out, reminding him she was a clone.

"Give me a couple of grand and I'll take care of that," Jo promised. "A little bit of cash usually solves most problems and Gotham hospitals are underfunded."

"Wish I regenerated like you guys do," Pat groaned. "Or that I was bulletproof."

"I actually have some thoughts on that, but that's later after we've branched out from Gotham," Xander said, his recent brush with death reminding him that Gotham was known as one of the most dangerous cities in DC for a reason and wondering what he could do to change that.

**Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


	7. Chapter 7

**Plagiarist 7**

"Follow me," Julie ordered as she leapt up on a dumpster, and scaled the wall behind it like a cat, bouncing off a light post as she neared the top to clear the spikes in a perfect somersault before she vanished from sight.

Xander looked at the route Julie had taken and shook his head. He shimmied up the light pole and climbed on top of it to get a clear view over the wall and saw Julie sitting comfortably on the flat roof that was just a foot below the top of the wall. She pouted as he ruined her fun. She'd been looking forward to seeing him leap over the wall blindly only to pancake on the flat roof in the moonlight. Xander chuckled and leapt, the tip of his right shoe catching on the top of a spike, causing him to fall flat on his face on the gravel roof.

Julie laughed and waited for Xander to get up and brush himself off before saying, "We really need to get a camera to catch these moments."

Xander thought about that for a moment. "While normally I would say 'filming yourself committing a felony is the height of stupidity', I would like some shots for the photo album for when I go home."

"What is home like anyway?" Julie asked as she scanned the rooftops.

"Demon infested California town that devours the unwary but has a pretty solid local economy," Xander replied easily as he looked out over the zoo.

Julie plucked a piece of gravel out of his chin and smirked. "Sounds like a step up from Gotham."

"In some ways it probably is," Xander admitted, as he thought about the various super villains that were infesting Gotham.

Julie turned to look at Xander as she felt the somber turn of his thoughts. "Gotham is what it is," she said bluntly. "Better men than you have died trying to change it. The most anyone can do is make small, local changes. You can help individuals but the character of the city will remain the same."

"Doesn't mean we shouldn't try," Xander replied. "A bullet in the Joker's brainpan would do wonders for Gotham."

She sighed and shook her head. "If it were that easy it would have been done long ago. Do you know how many grieving parents have gone after him?"

"Hundreds?" Xander guessed.

"Dozens, though hundreds have put in money to have him killed, for all the good it did. The Joker is a curse on Gotham, one that Gotham itself won't let die. Something always saves him at the last second."

"Just like Batman," Xander said thoughtfully.

"How do you mean?" she asked curiously.

"Just thinking aloud," Xander replied. "Let's go help preserve the feline population."

"Alright," she said slowly, deciding she didn't want to talk about depressing subjects like the Joker anymore that night. "This way." Lithe as her namesake, Julie leapt from roof to roof with Xander clumsily following her, but improving as he crudely copied her movements. Reaching the low roof of a hotdog shaped snack bar, she landed on the ground by doing a completely unnecessary triple backflip and was rewarded with the sound of Xander slamming into the ground and cursing while she giggled.

"That was just cruel," Xander grumbled as he cracked his neck and dusted himself off.

"You regenerate and you're having fun," she replied. "Besides, you'll learn faster by making mistakes than you ever will by doing everything perfectly."

"Really?" Xander asked doubtfully.

"It's what my teacher taught me... although I suspect she was just doing it for fun," she admitted with a grin.

Xander opened his mouth to say something, but the roar of a lion drowned him out. The two exchanged glances before running towards the sound.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"Anything?" Willow asked Buffy anxiously.

"Sorry Will," Buffy apologized, "even Angel was unable to find a trace of him. It's like he had sex with... the gang and then vanished into thin air."

"Where could he be?" Willow worried aloud.

"If he was dead we would know," Amy assured her.

"I finished the viewfinder," Susan said. "It's kinda wrong to invade his privacy, but we could use it to make sure he's alright."

"Viewfinder?" Harmony asked, distracted from her pool game against Aphrodesia by the girls talking at the bar.

"We usually use it to scout out areas so we can start developing ideas on what to build before we officially start on a project, but we can set it to search for a person instead. All we need is a sample of his DNA," Amy explained.

"Grab a crusty sock from his bedroom floor and you'll have all the DNA you need," Harmony suggested with a grin.

"Seriously?" Buffy asked, a disgusted look on her face.

"He's a teenage male," Harmony replied with a shrug.

"A fresher sample would get better results," Susan said. "Let me grab the clothes I wore yesterday, they should still have a decent amount to work with."

"Meet us in the TV room," Amy told her, slipping off her barstool.

"TV room?" Harmony asked, passing the cue stick to Aphrodesia to follow Amy, Willow, and Buffy.

"Sure," Amy said as she lead them towards the elevators. "The lounge is nice and all, but not the place for watching movies."

"I don't suppose you have guest rooms or something similar?" Harmony asks hopefully.

"Yeah, but they aren't personalized or anything," Amy said, wrinkling her nose as she hit a button and the elevator doors closed, "they are more like motel rooms than anything else."

"How many levels does this place have?" Buffy asked as she stared at the elevator panel.

"Just nine," Amy replied. "We have three above ground and six below. Why do you think we needed tons of metal?"

"You guys are stupidly awesome," Harmony said with a grin.

"Thanks," Amy replied as the doors opened on the top floor and they stepped out into a hallway lined with floor to ceiling windows, recessed lighting on the floor allowing them to see all the stars in the night sky without glare interfering.

"Uh huh," Willow said absently as she took in the view.

"I know," Amy said, pleased with the response to her design. "During the day it's also pretty cool and there's a deck on top, but it's a bit windy."

"Why put the TV all the way up here?" Harmony asked.

"Because extended periods of time in low light conditions can cause depression and throw off your sleep cycle, so a bit of nice healthy daylight helps counteract that," Amy replied.

"Low light?" Harmony asked, confused.

"Ever gone to a movie theater?" Amy asked rhetorically, "They dim the lights so you only see the screen, just like most office jobs set office light levels to three quarters or less of normal daylight so you'll naturally focus on your computer monitor. The low light levels can actually trigger Seasonal Affective Disorder, but most people simply end up with depressed serotonin levels. Anyway, a good strong dose of sunlight helps counteract that and restores normal brain functionality."

"Office work depresses people," Harmony agreed as Amy opened the door to the TV lounge which was a large circular room with a number of tables and chairs, a small wet bar, and a couple of rows of theater style seats set in front of the largest TV they had ever seen.

"If you played video games on this, Mario would be life sized," Harmony said in awe, as the blackout curtain closed behind her.

"Popcorn and sodas?" Buffy asked.

"Behind the wet bar," Amy replied.

"I don't care what it costs, you are never getting rid of me!" Harmony swore.

"Visualizer on, 2D mode," Amy said, causing the enormous screen to come to life, briefly displaying a logo of a barely dressed Xander, Willow, and Buffy with the words 'Three Lovers' below it.

"What was that?!" Buffy demanded.

"That's our logo," Amy replied as Susan arrived carrying a green G-string. "We made it when we finished our apprenticeship and became our own company," she said proudly.

"You never mentioned anything like that!" Buffy told Willow.

"I retained less Builder lore than you did French," Willow replied, blushing bright red. "I don't recall any of our personal history."

"We have personal history?" Buffy asked quietly while Harmony retrieved a bag of popcorn to eat while watching the ongoing drama.

"I don't know," Willow offered lamely. "Maybe?"

Amy and Susan exchanged glances and grinned.

"We're builders," Susan said realizing what their problem was, "that means local laws and morals have very little meaning to us."

"Plus we're young builders," Amy added, "meaning we are very hormonal. Naturally, we'd form strong connections with the Builders we are close to."

"It's not like we're married to each other or anything," Susan said, trying to reassure her.

"Yeah, this is more like a short fling," Amy agreed. "Give it a couple of centuries and we'll probably go back to just being friends."

"Centuries?!" Buffy and Willow exclaimed.

"Immortals, duh!" Harmony said, rolling her eyes.

Susan stepped behind the wet bar and stuffed the G-string somewhere they couldn't see, while the TV lit up with the words 'Analyzing Sample' followed by reams of data. As data flashed across the screen, Amy and Susan's eyes got wide.

"What?" Buffy asked as she saw Willow struggling to understand what she was reading.

"Xander has jumped timelines, his DNA is continually undergoing mutation, and... he needs more potassium in his diet," Amy noted.

"I hear pineapples are good for that," Harmony suggested.

"Jumped timelines?" Willow asked anxiously.

"No biggie," Amy said, "we can build an artificial nexus and have him home before Easter."

"That's five months away!" Willow complained.

"That's almost no time at all," Susan said with a shrug, not understanding why Willow was so worried.

"But who knows what could happen to Xander in the mean time!" Buffy exclaimed.

"It's only five months," Susan rolled her eyes.

"How much trouble could he find in that short of time?" Amy asked doubtfully as the screen flickered and brought up a live view of the source of the DNA in the visualizer.

The five girls watched as a horribly scarred man was fighting a leather clad woman with a whip, while Xander was fighting a bunch of thugs and number of large cats were running loose attacking everyone.

"And it's only been a couple of days," Harmony said, as they watched Xander pick up one guy and use him like a club against his friends before he was tackled by a tiger.

"Xander!" Buffy and Willow screamed at the screen, afraid that they'd just seen their friend killed, but another tiger pounced on the one on top of Xander and the pair rolled away hissing and spitting, allowing Xander to climb back to his feet and proceed to lay waste to everyone around him with a complete disregard for his own wounds.

"See?" Amy said, "He's fine."

**Typing by: Abyssal Angel**


	8. Chapter 8

**Plagiarist 8**

"Holy shit!" one of the henchmen screamed. "It just ripped the Boss' throat out!"

"Fuck, we need an ambulance!" another one screamed.

The fighting petered out as the thugs gathered around their fallen boss, allowing The Cat to herd the big cats back into their enclosure.

"Dammit," The Cat cursed, as she saw Two-Face lying on the ground clutching his ruined throat as blood poured from between his fingers.

"What's wrong?" Xander asked.

"One of the cats took out Harvey's throat," she replied agitated.

"And?" Xander asked, not seeing the problem with there being one less killer in Gotham and surprised she cared.

"When they investigate his death they'll discover one of the cats killed him," she explained. "God only knows how many they'll put down to make sure they got the right one."

"Oh," Xander said, racking his brain for a solution. "I got this," he said, pushing between a couple of thugs to kneel next to the dying criminal. He touched Harvey's forehead with two fingers, spawning a clone. The clone looked on as his progenitor grew still, his mind tightly connected to Xander's affecting his personality, but not his insanity.

"Boss?" one of the men asked nervously.

"Get the suit off me," Two-Face's naked clone ordered. "We'll dump the body in Killer Croc's Lagoon. Move people, I don't pay you to sit around!"

A couple of thugs quickly scrambled to strip Harvey's corpse so the clone could get dressed.

"And the cats?" one of the henchmen asked.

"I seem to have lost my taste for this caper when they gained a taste of me," Two-Face's Clone replied, drolly. "Everyone back to the safe house, we'll come up with a new scheme there."

Xander watched as Two-Face's Clone dressed in his blood stained suit, the original's naked body carried off by a couple of departing henchmen. The clone looked a bit fitter than the original, but he carried all of Two-Face's scars, even if they looked smoother and less jagged.

"I'd no more quit the biz than he would," the clone told Xander, once all his men had left, before Xander could say anything.

"How about concentrating more on money and less on muscle?" Xander suggested hopefully, his right hand moving on its own to take a golden coin out of his pocket and tossing it to the clone.

Two-Face's clone flipped it in the air before catching it and slamming it down on the back of his other hand revealing the smooth unlined face of a young girl. "That's doable," he agreed, before turning and walking off.

"Well, that happened," The Cat said as they watched the new Two-Face vanish after his men.

"Yeah, it did," Xander agreed, a seed of an idea beginning to form in his head as he considered what had just happened.

"Let's go hit the Lions and Cheetahs while we have a chance," she told him. "If we have the time, we'll hit the Hyena enclosure on our way out."

"Hyenas?!" Xander exclaimed.

"They may look canine but they're actually feline," The Cat assured him as she pushed him towards the lion exhibit.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"You look like you got mauled by a tiger," Pat said as he entered their motel room, his clothes torn and bloody, though his skin was unmarred.

"Good guess," Julie said as she closed the door behind them.

"I need a shower," Xander said with a sigh.

"I'll - fuck!" Pat cursed. "Can't get my bandages wet. I'm going to be useless for weeks."

Just days," Xander told her. "I have a plan."

"Is it a cunning plan?" Julie teased.

"Boneheaded, stupid and insanely dangerous," Xander said cheerfully, "but it'll work."

Jo pulled him towards the bathroom. "Shower first."

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"So what's the plan for today?" Pat asked as she sipped her coffee.

"I want to kill off and replace the Joker and a few other local crazies with ringers," Xander announced, causing all three of the women at the table to look at him as if he were crazy.

"Hear me out," Xander said. "I know of someone who has the skills and knowledge to pull it off... except for the clone part, which is where I come in."

"Who ... Batman?" Julie asked. "Are you planning on cloning Batman to help you with this?" she guessed.

"Fuck no," Xander said. "I'm cloning someone much more dangerous."

"Who the hell is more dangerous than Batman?" Jo demanded.

"Alfred Pennyworth," Xander replied.

"Bruce Wayne's butler?" Julie questioned, pretending she didn't know Batman's secret identity.

"Alfred Pennyworth is no mere butler," Xander disagreed, "he's ex-SAS and has in-depth knowledge of everything that goes on in Gotham. The difference between him and Batman is that Batman wouldn't use a grenade to soften up a room before leaping in the window."

"If he's all that, why is he playing butler?" Pat asked.

"He may be called a butler but his actual job is way more than that," Xander explained. "He's the mind behind Wayne Industries. He kept it running while Bruce Wayne was a child and is largely responsible for its continuing success while Wayne is off partying."

"He's also very loyal to his employer," Julie pointed out, wondering how to dissuade him from risking Batman's wrath.

"I'm counting on that loyalty," Xander said. "Once he learns what I'm doing and why, I'm pretty sure he'll volunteer to lend a hand."

"Then why clone him?" Pat asked.

"Because it gives him plausible deniability in case we can't keep it quiet," Xander explained. "He's also gotten on in years, so a younger clone would be much more physically capable."

"And if he says no?" Julie asked.

"Then I come up with a new plan," Xander said. "This plan kinda relies on him."

"Alright," Julie said, relieved he seemed to have a somewhat realistic view of his chances.

"Now, does anyone know where I can get an egg sized chunk of kryptonite, preferably cut in the shape of a gem?" Xander asked.

The three girls just stared at him for a moment, completely speechless.

"I'll just ask Alfred," Xander decided and returned to eating his breakfast.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"Do you remember how to summon your tools?" Susan asked Willow as they walked through the wrecking yard.

"Kinda... it's a bit fuzzy," Willow admitted.

"I know how that is," Susan said, "when Xander first cloned me from you, I got all our personal memories loud and clear until the Halloween spell kicked in and overwrote them with my Builder self, so now I can only vaguely remember our Sunnydale self."

"So you remember being me the way I remember being a Builder?" Willow asked.

"Exactly," Susan agreed. "This just means that while I may have to re-teach you everything, you'll probably pick it up pretty fast."

"What do I do first?" Willow asked eagerly, as they reached the car crushers and its stock of cars compressed into cubes.

"First you materialize your tools," Susan said, brushing an errant strand of green hair out of her eyes. "Just hold out your hand and will it."

Willow tentatively held out a hand and focused her will on it. Sparks of light started gathering in her hand, until, with a flash of light, they turned into a jewel encrusted golden hammer.

Susan laughed. "Try that again, but think basic hammer, unless you want your tools to look that tacky?"

Willow flushed and the hammer dissolved to reappear a second later looking like a more normal carpenters hammer, if one having a line of silvery runes down one side that spelled out Xander's name in Tolkien Elvish. "Better?" she asked.

"Now that, I like," Susan said with a smile. "If you check your reserves, you'll notice they've just taken a big hit. To refill them, simply take your hammer and hit the block of metal next to you while thinking about deconstructing it."

Willow carefully struck the block of metal next to her and it exploded into a massive shower of rainbow sparks that were quickly sucked into her skin with the sound of ringing bells. "Cool!"

"And rather showy," Susan said, trying not to laugh. "Try it again, but this time how about a little less pyrotechnics since we are in public?"

"Sorry," Willow apologized.

"In a very real way, I'm you," Susan reminded her. "So everything you do I've likely done as well. I mean who doesn't love fireworks and bling? You just need to save it for when we aren't in public."

"Okay," Willow agreed, perking up and feeling much less embarrassed.

"Except for the runes however," Susan said thoughtfully. "I never considered doing that. You are going to have to show me where you got the design, it's beautiful."

"You only have vague copies of my memories," Willow remembered, "meaning my favorite books and movies are ones you've never actually read or seen. We'll have to fix that."

"After training," Susan agreed. "Now let me explain how to calibrate your head up display..."

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"I can't believe we had to go on every ride so you'd have the blueprints," Buffy said, as they exited Disneyland. "That is one crazy power."

"You didn't have fun?" Amy asked with a pout.

"No! I mean yes, I had fun, though riding some of the children's' rides were embarrassing," she admitted.

"Never let a little embarrassment stand in the way of a good time," Amy told her firmly.

"A good time?" Buffy asked. "Wait a second. Did we really need to go on all the rides?" she asked suspiciously.

"Nope, all I have to do is glance at them," Amy admitted cheerfully. "I just wanted to spend some time with someone I care about and who looked like they could use a little fun."

"Oh," Buffy said as she considered that. "Put like that it's okay. It has been nice to get out and relax."

"Good, now where would you like to go for lunch?" Amy asked.

"Some place where you can order from a clown's head," Buffy said perking up.

"Really?" Amy asked surprised. "I always figured you for a more expensive date."

"And if you were a teenage male trying to get into my pants I would be," Buffy assured her.

"Good thing I'm a girl then," Amy said cheerfully, "Let's go meet the Cordelias and then lunch."

**Typed by - Sitheus Maximus / Ipsith**


	9. Chapter 9

**Plagiarist 9**

"You two relax, watch some in house pay-per view, we'll be back shortly," Xander told Jo and Pat.

"Bye, boss!" Pat said, waving her good arm, her cheer coming from a bottle of pills.

"Have fun!" Jo said, grabbing the remote and flipping to the listings.

"You should probably let me do the talking," Julie said. "Alfred knows me and likes me."

As the pair got into the elevator and Xander gave the button for the ground floor a push, Xander agreed, "Works for me."

"I still think the idea is crazy, but crazy seems to be the norm around you," Julie said, a feline smirk on her lips and an exaggerated swing to her hips as she exited the elevator in front of him.

Xander nodded absently, finding it a bit hard to concentrate when Julie turned up her sex appeal like that. "You're getting in character!" he realized, as she waved and two taxi's almost crashed into one another trying to reach the curb first.

"I didn't notice," she said, her voice tinged with surprise, as they climbed into the first cab. "Wayne Manor," she told the cabbie, before turning to Xander. "I suppose it's just force of habit when dealing with Bruce."

"Alfred is probably easier to deal with without it," Xander pointed out.

"You've got that right, plus he always gives me the look that makes me feel guilty," Julie admitted with a shudder.

"Brits are good at that," Xander agreed, glad Giles didn't have nearly as effective a look.

"For once complete honesty probably really is the best policy," she admitted.

"Agreed," Xander said, and then proceeded to distract her by questioning her about her knowledge of magic and the supernatural until they arrived at Wayne Manor. Xander paid the driver as they exited the cab and approached the front gate to the Wayne Estates.

Julie rang the buzzer on the front gate and waited patiently.

"Wayne Residence, Alfred Pennyworth speaking," the speaker next to the gate relayed with remarkable clarity. "Is that you, Miss Julie?"

"Yes and no," Julie replied, "it's a bit of a story."

"And who is the young gentleman beside you?" he asked.

"I'm Xander Harris," Xander introduced himself.

"Nice to meet you, Sir. I'll be down momentarily to see you in," Alfred promised.

"Normally he'd simply buzz me in and I'd meet him at the front door," Julie said.

"I'm a complete unknown and you've admitted to not being exactly yourself," Xander pointed out, "meeting us outside, limits the damage we could cause, until he has a chance to look us over."

"Do you think he'll hold me not being the Selina he knows against me?" Julie asked.

"I'm not sure," Xander admitted. "If he has any religious or personal objections against clones, he may, but then that means he wouldn't help us anyway, so it wouldn't affect our goal."

"I was asking for personal reasons," Julie replied. "His opinion... means a lot to me for some reason."

"From what I understand of his character, there is very little chance he'll hold your origins against you. The most likely response is that he'll accept you as a relative of Selina and base his opinion of you on your own actions," Xander assured her.

"Thanks," Julie said, looking relieved.

They waited patiently until the gate opened a few minutes later revealing an aged Alfred Pennyworth, leaning on his cane.

"Good Morning Sir and Madame," Alfred greeted them politely. "This sounded like a story that was best discussed in person. I have some tea ready on the veranda, if you'd like to have a cup while we chat."

"Thank you Alfred, that would be lovely," Julie said, smiling a bit brighter.

Alfred walked easily, rarely putting any weight on his cane as he led them around the side of the manor and through the garden.

"I'm not normally one for tea, but this smells great," Xander said as they approached the black iron table on which sat a sterling silver tea set and a plate of cookies.

"You have a very keen nose, Sir," Alfred noted.

"It's a recent development," Xander replied.

"Part of Miss Kyles's tale?" Alfred asked curiously, as Xander pulled out Julie's chair and they sat down and he poured the tea.

"Part of my story, which connects to her story," Xander replied. "I should probably start out at the beginning. It all started when I fell for a girl... "

**Half an hour later...**

"... and here we are," Julie concluded.

"That's quite the tale," Alfred said, sipping at his tea. "If not for some of the things I've seen in Master Wayne's employ, I would write it all off as a fever dream."

"I'd have said a realistic series of nightmares mixed with teenage dreams myself," Xander offered.

"So you came here to seek Master Bruce's help?" Alfred asked.

"Not at all, I come here to seek yours," Xander replied. "Have you ever wondered how mass murderers like the Joker manage to survive accidents that should see them dead a thousand times over? Or why not once has one of his victim's family members arranged a little accident with a corrupt warden?"

"He does seem unusually resistant to a variety of toxins and calibers," Alfred noted quietly.

"Is Barbara Gordon still Batgirl or did she become Oracle already?" Xander asked.

"She suffered an accident last year," Alfred allowed, admitting nothing.

"Bruce caught the Joker and snapped his neck, but the next day the Joker was in Arkham and Bruce probably had no memory of having killed him," Xander said.

"Just nightmares of events that did not occur," Alfred said grimly.

Xander had little doubt that Alfred was the one who Bruce talked about his nightmare with. "The Joker was trying to break Gordon, but failed. However it was Bruce who found himself laughing with the Joker before he snapped his neck."

"Yes," Alfred said quietly. "And your solution?"

"A tiger ripped out Two-Face's throat last night, and I replaced him with a clone. The clone is marginally saner, and I managed to give him one order that he agreed to obey. He'll concentrate on making money not committing murders now."

"That would be an improvement," Alfred agreed. "How may I help?"

"We don't have the skills to take down people like the Joker, leaving them alive enough to clone and then vanishing the body," Xander admitted.

"It would do me good to stretch my legs a bit," Alfred agreed with a small smile.

"I was planning on cloning you," Xander explained.

"Even better," Alfred said, "having my grandson take over my duties here would allow me to take the time off to make sure the job was done properly."

Xander and Julie exchanged glances but didn't say anything.

"I'm going to retrieve a change of clothes before you clone me, as it would be unseemly to have him parade around the Manor naked," Alfred said climbing to his feet. "I would suggest you both eat a slice of fruit cake while I am gone."

"Not a big fan of fruitcake," Xander said with a shrug.

"For health reasons, I really must insist," Alfred said.

The pair quickly followed his orders and ate the cake.

"You put the antidote in the fruit cake?" Julie guessed.

"No, the antidote was on the handle of your tea cup and the back of your chair," he replied. "The poison was in the fruit cake."

"I think you got the order of things backwards," Xander said, wondering why Alfred would give them the antidote before poisoning them.

"Well, I am getting on in years," Alfred said with a trace of amusement. "I'll be right back."

"That was-" Xander said as he turned to Julie and saw that she was as white as a ghost. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"He didn't get the order wrong at all," she whispered. "People train to detect poisons or make themselves immune to them, and they develop technology or spells to make sure of it."

"And?" Xander asked, not seeing the problem.

"No one does that with antidotes!" she hissed. "And if you ask any doctor, they'll tell you that the antidotes can be every bit as deadly and no one in the world carries around deadly poisons to save themselves from the antidote to it!"

"That's mildly terrifying," Xander admitted, "but it's in line with what I told you about him."

"I thought you were exaggerating!" she growled. "I mean, none of my memories show him as dangerous at all!"

"Of course not, he isn't that clumsy," Xander replied. "Why did you think I wanted him if he wasn't as dangerous as I thought?"

"He has access to Wayne Tech gear and all of Batman's files," she replied. "Those would help if you were wrong about the rest."

Xander grinned for a moment and then frowned. "How did he know I was enough of a gentleman to pull out your chair?"

"Do you want to ask him?" Julie replied.

"Nah ... I'm scared enough, thanks." Xander shook his head.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Buffy looked around 'her' room. Amy and Susan said her Builder-self had designed it and she believed it. The only things that seemed off were all things that related to Building.

Walking over to the crafting table she saw it was filled with not just blueprints for buildings, but clothing designs as well, and all hand written. She wasn't sure why there were hand written notes and blueprints when Builder powers handled everything, but this recreation even had her handwriting on them.

"Wow," Buffy said in wonder as she ran her fingers over a blueprint for a dress that was not only more regal than the one she'd worn for Halloween, but also came with hidden weapons that almost made her drool.

Turning away she spotted her enormous bed with its obsidian headboard that had shelves to put things on and a couple of lights built-in, in case she wanted to read in bed. Giving into a childish impulse she ran over to the bed and leapt into the air... and painfully belly flopped onto a surprisingly hard surface. "Ow," Buffy groaned, glad no one else was there to see that as the bed undulated under her and she realized it was a waterbed.

Rolling onto her back, she waited for the stinging to stop. Spying a TV remote on the headboard she pulled it down and looked around for the TV it connected to. Not finding one, she hit the power and saw a screen flicker on directly over her head. What she'd thought was a mirror over her bed was actually a TV, a huge TV. She saw listings for various things, some of which she doubted were being broadcast or at least knowingly broadcast.

"Vacation videos," she read out loud, causing the TV to show a listing of videos available even though she hadn't pushed a button on the remote. "Journeyman graduation celebration," she read around curiously and was gratified to see the video she'd chosen come on. That gratification turned to surprise as she saw herself on screen in a tailored jumpsuit with a tool belt filled with tools, stylishly designed tools.

She continued watching, enraptured by the joyous smile her doppelganger wore, a joy she hadn't felt since becoming the slayer. As Builder versions of Xander and Willow joined her on the screen she reconsidered that thought, as there were a few times when they had stood by her, despite the danger, that had touched her deeply.

On the screen, Xander and Willow started touching her Builder-self and clothes started vanishing in explosions of sparks that caused her jaw to drop.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"You are officially a Builder now, right?" Cordelia asked Willow.

"Got my tools and everything," Willow said proudly, reaching down to stroke her tool belt.

"Good, because although I have a decent sized wardrobe for one, it's a bit small for three. Would you mind scanning and copying some clothes for me?"

"I need to deconstruct a bunch of clothes first, so I'll have the right material or something close to it, but I could use the experience," Willow said, excited at the thought of using her powers to actually make something that people would use.

"Words cannot convey how grateful I am," Cordelia said solemnly. "We can hit up thrift stores for retro patterns and a cheap source of material for you to destroy. Then we can hit the high end shops to get you the latest patterns."

"Did someone mention clothes?" Harmony asked, taking a seat beside Willow.

"Where did you come from?" Cordelia asked.

"I was asleep behind the wet bar," Harmony replied. "I went to get a drink while we were watching Xander, and ... the carpet is really comfortable."

Cordelia looked at the screen which was showing a couple of figures in a deep fog with no sound. "What are you watching now?"

"Xander," Willow replied. "We get a clean shot every once in a while, but it keeps losing his signal. Probably because the DNA sample isn't fresh anymore."

"So you've been sitting here staring at the screen?" Cordelia asked.

"Being turned into a Builder has made sleep optional," Willow explained. "It'll be a week or so until I learn how to sleep again, so I was doing a magic exercise I read in a book."

"Why are you still up?" Harmony asked Cordelia.

"We just got back from Jo and my sisters have gone to bed, but the fact that we had to buy them pajamas and toiletries made me realize how little they actually have," Cordelia admitted. "I have no problem sharing with them, but it's gotta be a blow to their ego to have so little. Heck, I had dad's accountant move my trust fund out of the long term investments he'd stuck it in and back into the original account Grandpa set up so I'd have more money on hand."

"What happened to the shallow bitch I used to know and hate?" Willow exclaimed in shock, turning bright red as she realized what she'd said, while Harmony fell over laughing and Cordelia looked a bit amused.

"Some people made me face reality and grow up," Cordelia replied. "Besides, since they are me, then looking out for them can still be considered selfish, right?"

"Maybe a little," Willow said. "Sorry for calling you a bitch."

"I'm still a selfish bitch, just not such a shallow one anymore and the list of people I'm selfish for is longer," Cordelia assured her.

"Stop making me like you!" Willow ordered. "You guys are supposed to be mean and evil, not... understandable and likeable!"

"I'll be mean!" Cordelia volunteered.

"I'll be evil!" Harmony added.

"And I'll be lickable!" Susan added as she came into the room with Amy.

"Ditto," Amy added.

"Here to watch Xander with us?" Harmony asked.

"Nope, we're here to use the viewer to pick a place to start construction," Amy said.

"Will I still be able to watch Xander?" Willow asked.

"No, our universes are desynching," Susan explained. "So we'll lose the signal soon."

"Desynching?" Harmony asked.

"It's running at a different time rate," Amy explained. "The most we'll get is a snapshot or two until we synch up again in a week, and we can just have the viewer save those to file so we can look at them later."

"So what are you using the viewer for?" Harmony asked.

"We're going to use it to locate where to build our evil Disneyland," Susan explained.

"It won't be as good as it would have been with Buffy and Xander helping, but it should be fun!" Amy said excitedly.

"Evil Disneyland just sounds redundant," Cordelia said.

"Fire it up and let's see what it can do," Harmony said.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"Done something with your hair?" Batman asked as a much younger Alfred came in, carrying his lunch.

"Very droll, Sir," the clone of Alfred replied, quite happy with his thick head of hair.

"Lazarus Pit?" Bruce guessed, as he removed his cowl to eat.

"Mr. Al-Ghul has not visited the manor nor has he been rude enough to send any of his servants to do so in some time, Sir," Clone-Alfred replied.

"Spontaneously developed mutation that reversed your aging? Discovered the Holy Grail in a yard sale? Created a Philosophers' Stone in your spare time?" Bruce joked.

"No, No, and the Philosophers' Stone only speeds healing, it does not make one younger, Sir," Clone-Alfred replied.

"Do I want to know ... No, I'm not going to ask," Bruce decided.

"Very good, Sir," Alfred replied. "You have an appointment this afternoon with a manicurist followed by a shopping spree."

"How much should I spend to make it believable and memorable?" Bruce asked.

"At least a hundred thousand dollars, Sir, and might I suggest spending part of that at the local thrift stores? They could use the business and it would encourage others to frequent such charitable shops," Clone-Alfred explained.

"I'll make it a point to do so," Bruce agreed.

"And sir?" Clone-Alfred asked as he stepped back into the elevator.

"Yes, Alfred?"

"Keep an eye out for any simple wooden cups, because you never know," Clone-Alfred said as the doors closed, preventing Bruce from replying.

Batman shook his head and chuckled, the last bit of doubt about whether or not that was Alfred melting away.

**Typed By – Sitheus Maximus / Ipsith**

**TN: I gotta be honest guys, the delay on this one was all my bad. Exams suck, in general, yes, but when they're also the final semester ones after which you'll get your degree? Much worse. Just glad that's over. Cheers to freedom and finally relaxing. Yey!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Plagiarist 10**

"The Giggle Factory, a clown-themed party supply store," Xander said shaking his head. "You'd think they'd learn by now." The tar and gravel rooftop they were on provided a perfect view of the building across from them.

"Actually they have," Alfred replied with a glint of amusement in his eyes. "It closed down three months ago, when it was named Fallbrook Hardware and Supplies. It was renamed and redecorated, despite being closed, just after word of the Joker's escape hit the papers. They also took out a great deal of insurance on the place, for some unknown reason."

Julie shook her head. "Businessmen are even more crooked than the crooks."

"They can be," Alfred agrees, "but in this case it's a trap, as it's much easier to win the battle when you prepare the field beforehand."

"Batman sets these places up so he'll know where to go, plus he'll have a blueprint of the place and possibly some hidden cameras," Xander realized.

"I can't see Bruce defrauding an insurance company," Julie said. "Who is the insurer?"

"Wayne industries," Alfred replied as he brought out a laptop and booted it up, waiting to see if they'd figure it out.

"So he's paying himself?" Xander asked.

"No, he's paying his fake 'owner' with his money," Julie said, "it's a simple money-laundering operation, but for what?"

"To pay for all his bat stuff," Xander guessed. "That stuff costs a mint and he can't afford to leave a money trail leading to the Wayne family."

"The best operation is one that accomplishes several goals at once," Alfred noted as he brought up the surveillance cameras on the laptop, showing the inside of the store.

"He's got hostages," Julie noted, spotting a cage hanging from the ceiling with several young boys wearing scout uniforms in it.

"No, he doesn't," Alfred corrected her as he zoomed in on the cage and the frozen smiles on their motionless bodies became visible.

Julie muttered something under her breath and her fingers dug into her palms as she glared at the building across from them.

"How… alive does the Joker have to be?" Alfred asked mildly.

Despite his tone Xander shivered. "He has to have a pulse," he said, recalling how Two Face's clone had turned out despite his injuries.

"That should be… sufficient," Alfred agreed with a nod, as he straightened his suit and checked his weapons.

"Aren't you going to change into something a bit more inconspicuous?" Julie asked.

Alfred smiled evilly. "No, I do believe I am dressed appropriately to… tidy up." The click of his cane echoed angrily as he headed for the elevator.

"Shouldn't we follow him?" Xander asked nervously as they both watched the old man depart, almost afraid to move and draw his attention.

"Better than being in his sights," Julie agreed shivering.

The pair quickly hurried to catch up with him, but reached the elevator too late as the doors closed.

"Stairs," Julie said, turning and sprinting for the fire door.

"Wait up!" Xander called out, quickly chasing after her.

Leaping down the stairs they reached the bottom floor as Alfred exited the elevator. The old man didn't hurry, but moved with a steady gait, the muted click of his cane on the floor and the multitude of weapons he had secreted about his person the only sounds he made. Xander caught his breath before Julie did, but still had to rush to catch up. The pair had just reached the old man when he casually lobbed a grenade through the broken front door, before he firmly pushed them to the side.

"I thought you'd be a tad more subtle than this," Julie said as the grenade went off, the front doors blown off their hinges by the force of the explosion, barely missing them.

"Miss Julie, sometimes subtlety is simply a matter of handling things expeditiously and making sure to tidy up all the loose ends afterwards," he explained politely as he ran diamond wire in a loop around the pin from the grenade he's just used and idly pulled it back and forth, little flecks of metal drifting to the ground as he waited for some unknown signal.

A grenade works well then," Xander said, as Alfred pocketed the pin and pulled out a Welrod Mk I and entered the building, ignoring the smoke and stepping over several thugs that were bleeding out on the floor as he took stock of the entryway.

Julie stared in shock as Alfred calmly shot several groaning men with no more emotion than he'd show pitting an olive.

"I thought we were only planning on killing the Joker," Xander said, lending an arm to Julie who despite her memories was unused to this level of casual carnage.

"Plans change," Alfred noted as he changed clips. "Did you know I sponsored a local Boy Scout troop?" he asked, as he looked around and choose where to go next.

"Were those…" Julie's voice trailed off, unable to finish.

"No," Alfred assured her, lobbing a flashbang grenade around the corner in front of her, "but I'm sure my troop was acquainted with them."

The three turned away and closed their eyes as the grenade went off, followed by loud cursing and screams.

The long-barreled pistol Alfred was carrying silenced those as well.

They continued through the store towards the back where the stockroom and offices were. Alfred using a variety of grenades as the situation demanded to clear the way or chase the remaining henchman out of hiding. He'd often pause and lean on his cane for a moment while patiently listening for movement ahead of them, seemingly unaffected by the ringing in the ears the other two were suffering from.

"He'll be in the main office," Alfred said as they passed through the customer service are, while molding a thin line of clay that he made a circle with and pressed onto the wall to the right of the door to the manager's office.

"So… what's the plan?" Xander asked, moving back.

"I'll render him unconscious, you'll make a clone, and then I'll take care of the original," Alfred explained, as the attached a detonator to the plastic explosive he'd set on the wall. "Move back, please."

Once they'd moved back far enough Alfred tripped the explosive, blowing a basketball-sized hold in the wall.

Julie and Xander tensed up, but Alfred simply opened the door and entered the office, revealing an unconscious Joker, the left side of his purple suit partially shredded, with blood dripping down his side, as he lay on the floor, a fire axe next to him.

"Predictable to the last," Alfred said glaring at the murderer. "If you'd be so kind?" he requested.

Xander laid two fingers on the Joker, creating a naked clone with a Glasgow smile and normal skin tones visible under clumsily applied white greasepaint. He'd done his best not to touch the madness of the clown he was copying, but he could feel the mind of the clone and it burned!

"Wanna know how I got these scars?" the clone asked, his eyes snapping open.

***BANG!***

"Not really," Alfred said calmly, changing out the clip once more. "Try for a slightly more accurate clone please, that one wouldn't have fooled anyone."

"Something closer," Xander muttered, "but saner."

This clone appeared with the correct coloration but well-muscled and covered in gang tattoos with all his teeth capped in gold.

***BANG!***

"A bit closer but still a failure," Alfred noted.

"If just for aesthetic reasons," Julie agreed, looking away from the splattered brains and blood covering the carpet.

"Third time's a charm," Xander said, taking a deep breath and concentrating on his memory of the Joker voiced by Mark Hamill in the animated series he'd watched.

The Joker who formed looked almost exactly like the original this time and awoke in an instant. "Do I have to pay extra for this?" he asked as he opened his eyes and saw the three of them.

Julie frowned at Xander's grin, placing a hand over his mouth before he could say anything.

"How do you feel about mass murder?" Alfred asked, as calmly as he'd asked what they'd wanted for tea earlier.

"The occasional big-ticket extravaganza is OK, I suppose," the new Joker said thoughtfully," but just between you and me, in this economy you have to be competitive and personal service is the way to go!" He grinned widely and folded his hands behind his head, completely unconcerned with his lack of clothing.

"He's actually rather funny," Julie noted with some surprise.

"A very slippery mind," Xander added, "but not nearly as toxic."

"I hope you brought a change of clothes," Alfred said as he took out a green glowing vial and poured it on the two dead Jokers, causing their flesh to bubble and collapse inward like deflating parade floats.

"In the car," the new Joker replied having some idea of what was occurring from his brief contact with Xander's mind, "and can I have my stuff?"

"Suit yourself," Xander said as the moved back to let him mug his unconscious and still bleeding progenitor.

"Not in this one," the Joker said, "red just washes out my complexion like you wouldn't believe."

"Do you understand what's going on?" Alfred asked, ignoring the pun.

"Mid-season replacement for an unfunny hack," the new Joker replied cheerfully. "I may not be the Joker Gotham needs, but I'm the one it deserves!"

Xander laughed, making Julie and Alfred look at him, confused.

"It's not funny if I have to explain it," Xander said.

"Look up BADMAN on YouTube," the new Joker suggested cheerfully.

""Well as amusing as this all is, I do believe we should get going," Alfred said, taking another grenade from his pocket and using Crazy Glue to affix it to the unconscious Joker's left hand.

"What are you doing?" the new Joker asked curiously as Alfred placed a pin in the Joker's other hand and slapped him awake.

"Preparing a punchline," Alfred replied as the Joker slowly came to, his hand instinctively curling around the grenade. "Keep a good grip on that, now," Alfred said as he pulled the pin out of the grenade and slipped it in his pocket before taking out his pistol and wiping it off, setting it next to the Joker.

"Julie, Xander, and the new Joker quickly exited the room at Alfred's direction.

"Please tell me why Alfred went all Dirty Harry," the new Joker asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

"You know him?" Julie said, surprised. "And who's Dirty Harry?" she added.

"Of course I know him," the new Joker said, not explaining anything more.

"Dirty Harry is a movie police officer who brings home crooks in body bags," Xander replied. "The poor excuse for a Joker over there kills way too many people going for large numbers, including groups of children."

"As the great W.C. Fields once said 'Never work with animals or children,'" the new Joker replied, shaking his head.

Alfred stood in the doorway and waited.

"What is this?" the Joker demanded as he looked at the grenade.

"It's a grenade, you have nineteen questions left," Alfred replied with a polite smile.

"What?" the Joker asked, confused, as he blinked blood out of his eyes and looked at what he had in his hands.

"It's a grenade," Alfred repeated. "Eighteen questions left."

The Joker put the pin he was holding in the grenade, while sighing at how boring and predictable the good guys were. Picking up the pistol lying next to him he checked to make sure it was loaded. He test fired it, exploding a computer monitor. "I'm not playing your game."

"How about I ask a question then?" Alfred asked, as he leaned forward on his cane.

"Fine, fine," the Joker said, waving the gun at him, "ask your question, but then I'm shooting you."

"Very well," Alfred said calmly, "what is the most important element of a joke?"

The Joker smirked. "The punchline of course." He raised the gun, pausing as the pin in the grenade came apart and clattered on the ground in several pieces. "Ahhh!" he screamed as he waved his hand and tried to get rid of the grenade that he now found was glued to his hand.

Alfred closed the door just before the grenade went off causing the wall to shake and bits of purple clothing and eggshell-white flesh to be blown out of the hole next to the door in a shower of gore.

The new Joker laughed and applauded. "Mr. Pennyworth, it I were wearing a hat, I'd take it off, that was brilliant!"

"I missed the joke," Xander admitted, knowing from the new Joker's response that Alfred had just done something significant.

"As did I," Julie admitted, trying not to show how freaked out she was.

The new Joker sighed. "Plebeians. I'll explain just this once. Do you know what the most essential element in comedy is?"

"The punchline?" Xander guessed.

The new Joker shook his head. "The punchline is an important part of the joke but the most essential element in comedy is… timing."

The two black-clad characters turned and stared at Alfred who simply shrugged. "It seemed appropriate," he said unapologetically.

"I am so glad I only have to face Batsy," the Joker said honestly, "he's a great straight man and I never have to worry about being upstaged."

Alfred lit and tossed a couple of flares around the hall. "As cathartic as this has been, I believe a degree of haste would be in order at this time."

"Agreed, and thanks for turning up the heat, I was feeling a bit of a draft here," the Joker said cheerfully before fleeing, not wanting to give Alfred a chance to outshine his parting comment with one of his own.

"And that's our cue to skedaddle," Xander said as the three departed the way they came in.

**Typing by: Jarreas**


End file.
